


Shatter

by Ausp_ice



Category: unOrdinary (Webcomic)
Genre: Actual therapy not that traumatic reconditioning, Angst, Gen, Healing, Major Character Injury, Sometime after the start of Season 2, This is fairly self-indulgent I just wanted that psychological angst, john needs therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:47:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 23,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21597886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ausp_ice/pseuds/Ausp_ice
Summary: What happens when Sera confronts John about being Joker?What happens when John loses one of his only supports?
Relationships: John Doe & Seraphina (unOrdinary), John Doe & William Doe
Comments: 228
Kudos: 444





	1. Collision

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: There are self-destructive and borderline-suicidal thoughts in this fic. But for the record, I don't plan on having any character death.  
> Also, spoilers for everything up to the Season 2 Premiere, I guess? 
> 
> 11/28/19:  
> I wrote this as soon as I woke up this morning since I was Thinking About it  
> I'm not sure how far I'll go with it, but I have at least one more short chapter written
> 
> This is my first time writing fic that's not OC centric *laughs nervously* I hope it's alright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: I made my own cover art for this! You can check it out on my [Deviantart](https://www.deviantart.com/ausp-ice/art/Shatter-822015851) if you like. 
> 
> You can also find me on Tumblr and Instagram, though I'm not as active there.  
> Tumblr: [@ausp-ice](https://ausp-ice.tumblr.com/)  
> Instagram: [@ausp.icium](https://www.instagram.com/ausp.icium/)

"You're Joker."

John tried to grab her shoulder, but she avoided it.

"D-don't be ridiculous, Sera. How could I? I don't even-"

"I saw you!" 

John's blood turned to ice in his veins.

"I saw you fight Remi. Isen, Blyke, Arlo. You…" Sera bit her lip and looked to the side. "You had power all along. All this time, you told me to stay strong—easy for you to say! You already have power!"

John's eyes widened. He gripped his hands tightly. "No! No, I just. I… I just wanted to live an ordinary life. I didn't want to have anything to do with abilities, I swear—"

Sera turned away, bangs covering her eyes as tears slid down her cheeks. "How can I trust you after you've lied to me for so long?"

 _No, no, please…_ "You- you have it all wrong, they forced my hand!"

"How? How in the world did they _force_ you to _brutalize_ them?"

"I—"

"You know what? I don't want to hear it." Sera jerked her head back up, fixing him with a tear-stained glare. It was familiar. Too familiar. John took a step back. "Monster."

**_Monster._ **

**_Monster._ **

He was grabbing Sera by the collar. When did he…? He froze at her expression. Angry. Judgemental.

_Afraid._

Suddenly, his back was against the wall. Sera was looking at him—he'd let her go. He couldn't read her face. Conflicted?

_I'm not a monster…_

_It's not my fault._

_I don't want to be like this!_

He was running. Where was he going? It was hard to breathe. Hard to think. Was someone calling after him? He must have imagined it.

Who would care about a cripple?

_Who would care about a monster?_

Everything was too bright. Everything was too dark. Everything hurt. He felt nothing. Too noisy. He heard nothing. 

A blare cut through his haze. He looked towards it, and _oh_. 

_...It's better this way._

A crash. Pain bloomed across his body. The sky swam into view. It was so loud…

_"Oh my god? Someone call an ambulance!"_

Shadows loomed over him, blocking his view of the sky. The pain suddenly spiked, and he shoved away whoever had the nerve to touch him. 

Someone caught his hand. He tried to pull it away, but somehow he couldn't find the strength. 

The activation of an ability. That was… That was Elaine? 

No. No.

He tore his hand away and shoved her back, trying to stand and run—but his legs collapsed under him and he ended up back on the pavement. 

"Hey! John, what are-"

"Sh...shut up." He gritted out, weakly trying to shove her back again. "It's- it's b-better this way."

"What…?"

"Just…" His words tasted like blood. _"Let me be!_ _"_ His fist made contact with a familiar yellow glow, shielding Elaine from his attack. He couldn't even feel the reflective backlash. Was this adrenaline? He slumped on the barrier.

Actually… Wasn't this convenient? He immediately pinpointed the source of the aura. Arlo stood a ways off, brow furrowed, teeth gritted. 

Well… He supposed it wouldn't matter anymore, after this. John called his ability to him, the hated power settling in his nerves. Arlo's eyes widened and he dropped his ability, but it was too late. 

John fell to the ground, arm trapped under him. He didn't bother getting up, closing his eyes as he activated his own barrier, a black shell separating him from the world.

" **_Dammit, John, take it down!_ **"

John laughed wetly. "Hey, doc. Isn't it- Isn't it better this way?" He coughed. "You d..." It was hard to breathe. "You don't have to deal with me anymore."

_"That's not how it works!"_

"Doc, wait, if you break it you really might-!"

"Tch! … John, what about Sera?"

His eyes burned. "What about her? She… hates me now. Just like-" He coughed, "Everyone else."

"And your father?" 

John blinked up at the doc. His gaze was piercing. It hurt. Everything hurt. He turned away. "Tell him... I'm— sorry," he whispered. 

_"Tell him yourself!"_ The doc slammed his hands on the barrier. 

John curled in pain. The world was turning dark at the edges. He couldn't make out what anyone was saying anymore… 

He was so tired. 

So tired…

…

………


	2. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the record. I don't know anything about proper hospital policy or patient monitoring or anything. The extent of my knowledge is that this is probably Not Correct
> 
> But if any of you have advice on that note feel free to share!

Was death supposed to hurt this much?

His entire body ached. 

Or maybe he was just in hell. Probably deserved it. 

Though, he wondered if hell would have that annoying beeping…

…

Wait.

John cracked his eyes open. Everything was white. He looked around - he was on a cot.

In a hospital. 

A breathy huff of a laugh escaped him. Even after all that, he failed. 

No one was in the room with him. That made sense. ~~Him being alive didn't, though.~~

Sitting up, he felt a tug on his arm. An IV? And the ECG…

He pulled them off, ignoring the resultant pain and bleeding, before throwing his legs to the side of the cot. The aches flared, but… he's been through worse. This was nothing.

He stumbled to the door, putting a hand on the wall for support, before slipping out.

He wasn't sure where he was going. "Away" seemed good. He was so tired. 

He sat down on a bench.

* * *

John opened his eyes. 

"John?"

He blinked towards the voice. 

"Are you awake?"

A face swam into view. It was— 

"Dad?"

His dad's face relaxed slightly, but it almost instantly hardened. 

"Mind explaining what happened?"

John flinched, turning away. 

"John. _Son_. They said—they said you stopped others from helping you. They said they had to wait for you to—to _pass out_ and stop using your ability! And then you go and wander off, I wonder if you don't have a de—…" He sighed, running a hand across his face. "What happened?"

"..." John sighed. "You were right, I guess. My 'secret' blew up in my face."

"John…"

"I guess I just didn't feel like... living... any more…"

"John!" He curled into himself further. "John, please, look at me." He didn't move. "... I'm going to hug you, alright? Tell me if you want me to stop."

John gripped his sheets, but said nothing. A hand touched his shoulder, slowly. If he still wanted to pull away, he could. 

Next thing he knew, he was enveloped in warmth. His arms lay limply at his sides. His eyes burned, vision blurring. 

"Please don't think that. I don't know what I'd do without you." His dad squeezed tighter. "They said it was close. Almost dumb luck that you survived." 

John slowly reached up and wrapped his arms around his dad. "Sorry," he whispered. "I just." His voice became muffled as he buried his face in his dad's shoulder. "... Sera hates me now. I… I don't know what to do anymore. I just want everything to stop. Why am I like this? I just wanted to live a normal life away from all that hierarchy bullshit. But I guess I couldn't escape it after all."

"..."

"Maybe I should try homeschooling. Or online classes. Or if Wellston would let me work from home. Then I don't have to deal with anyone, and no one has to deal with me." He cracked a single laugh. "I don't think they'd let me do that last one. I'm just an average student, disregarding all of my personal issues. Plus I live in the dorms, now..."

"John…"

John slowly pulled away. "... I'm tired, anyways. Thanks for visiting, dad. I know you're busy."

"I'll always have time for you, son. We'll talk again later?"

"... Yeah. Thanks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I headcanon that John has... issues... with being touched. Bullying in his youth and when he was a cripple, and the whole thing with Keon. He was even alarmed when Sera grabbed him - though to be fair, he was probably recovering from a panic attack at that time.
> 
> Also I live for father-son content


	3. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arlo, Isen, Blyke, Remi, and Elaine gather to talk about what happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In other words: me trying to psychoanalyze John from the point of view of some outsiders
> 
> I'm not really sure how accurate the characterization is but I hope it's alright  
> Including everyone in the conversation was harder than I thought it'd be
> 
> Also, I've made my own cover art! Feel free to check it out back on chapter 1!

"What happened back there?"

The former Royals were gathered in an empty classroom, in addition to Elaine, who had just spoken.

"Is he suicidal? I tried to help him and he pushed me away!"

Arlo turned his head to the side. "... Tch. I didn't think…"

Isen whipped his head to face him. "Oh god, what did you do now?"

"... I asked Holden to bring Seraphina watch the battle. He was out of control, and I hoped she could rein him in. I knew she was a... weakness, but that…" He rubbed a hand across his face. "I didn't expect him to break down like _that_ , I suppose…"

Isen pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ugh, god…" He sighed. "You know, if you'd left him alone, none of this wouldn't have happened."

 _"You think I don't know that?"_ Arlo snapped. Isen raised his hands defensively. "I just—he was an obstacle, a detriment to the hierarchy. If he had power, he had a responsibility to use it! Or so I thought." He looked away. "He isn't fit to lead, and he knew it. I should have let sleeping dogs lie."

"You think so?" 

"Blyke, how nice of you to join the conversation."

"Shut up, Isen." Blyke glared at the floor. "Just…" He shuffled his feet. "He'd rather get beat up every day? Being powerless…" He clenched his fists. "It sucks. It hurts. So, _why?"_

Elaine blinked. "That's… something to think about."

"Probably something to do with what happened at his old school," Isen mumbled. "Or the year in between his transfer…" He was practically talking to himself now. "If he'd rather get beat up… if he'd rather go through that kind of pain, that must mean the other option is worse. But what, exactly, does the other option entail…?"

"—sen. Isen!" Fingers snapped in his face, and he jerked away. "Hello?"

"Gah—hey! What was that for?"

Blyke shook his head. "Don't leave us in the dark. Well?"

"Uh." Isen wiped his palms on his pants. "I don't know if I should go and share private information and all—"

"Isen." Arlo pinned him with a look.

"Yes, sir. You see, according to his school record, he was expelled for beating up half his class for an 'unexplained reason,'" Isen punctuated with air quotes, "and then a year passes before he transfers here. He said he was homeschooled, back when I, uh, interviewed him, but I wonder if it was something else? People don't often have that kind of behavioral change without some intervention, I'd think."

"Therapy, maybe? He probably needed it. Needs it, actually. Present tense." Remi rested the side of her head on a desk. "We all know he's unstable. But I'm still…" She shifted so that her chin laid atop her folded hands. "I'm still surprised that he'd become almost suicidal. How far gone do you have to be if death looks better than living?"

No one said anything for a few seconds. 

"I think…" Isen started, "I think it isn't hard to imagine so, under certain circumstances. I _mean_ ," he held up a hand at the alarmed movements of his friends, "If living was hell for you, and you were at a crossroads, fifty-fifty. One path, you continue. One path, everything ends." He heaved a sigh. "It's not too hard to think that some people would want things to end. That, if you were on death's doorstep, you'd give a tap on the door." 

Elaine made a pained sound. "But that's…" 

A moment later, Blyke huffed. "So, what then? What do we do about," he waved vaguely, "all this? He dethroned us all and then almost gets himself killed. On top of that, he used Arlo's barrier in public. Basically revealed that he's Joker, to anyone with more than one brain cell."

"Bold of you to assume most of the student body have more than one brain cell each…" Remi muttered.

"Huh?" 

"Don't worry about it, Elaine."

"Uh… sure." Elaine fidgeted. "He… he really thought he was going to die, didn't he? He'd kept up his act for so long, but right then…" She trailed off at the grim expressions of her peers. "A-anyways! Arlo, what should we do?"

He looked towards her at his mention, and then back to the floor. "... Nothing, for now. We'll see what happens when—" he paused, "... if... he comes back. Isen?"

"Y-yeah?"

"If you can find out more details about what happened to him, we might be able to handle him better. At this point, there's nothing else we can do."

Isen's face twisted in discomfort. "I don't know if I want to go prying into his past again…"

"There's not much else we can do." Arlo sighed. "He's more powerful than all of us, and we don't have a way to fight him if he makes a mess of the school. But maybe, just maybe, we can get through to him mentally."

Isen gripped his arms. "Fine! Fine. I get it. I'll see what I can do."

Arlo fixed him with a side-eye, before straightening from where he was leaning. "Well, we've all got things to do. See you later, then."

The gathered students echoed his farewell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've got two more chapters written but I like to write ahead because I have No Plan (or at least, only the bare bones of one. I am very much letting the characters lead this story) and usually go back and change things once new developments arise
> 
> In any case, updates will probably be slower with finals coming up


	4. Offer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John gets an offer.

How long has he been staring at the ceiling? A while, certainly. It's not like he had much to do.

It's not like he had much to look forward to.

_Knock, knock._

"Hey, John! I'm back!"

"Already?" John smirked at his dad. "I'd almost think you missed me."

"You wound me, my son!" He clutched his heart and laid the back of his hand on his forehead. "Of course I did!"

John scoffed and rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help the grin sneaking up the side of his face. "Good to see you too."

His dad smiled, crows' feet crinkling at the corners of his eyes. He grabbed a chair and sat next to John. "Good news! Looks like you'll be out of here by tomorrow."

John's eyes flickered. "Oh." He looked back up at the ceiling. "That's… great, I guess." 

"..." John's dad breathed out through his nose. "I talked to Headmaster Vaughn."

"You wha—" John snapped his head back to face his father, eyes wide.

"He agreed to let you work remotely, temporarily, but not at your house. He—he said Seraphina was attacked? Your place was being watched?"

John's eyes slid to the side. "... Yeah."

His dad took another deep breath. "Alright. Alright. We'll talk about this later. But, uh—"

"Can I go back to your place?"

"Huh?"

"I can't live at the dorms. And I can't live at my house. If I'm working remotely, it shouldn't matter, right?"

"Ah, about that…" his father rubbed the back of his head. "He has two conditions."

"... What kind of conditions."

"Well. The first one is relatively easy. You'll work with a tutor every week to keep your grades on track. More often if your grades drop."

"... Okay." John closed his eyes. "Fair enough. Then…"

His dad scratched his head. "If your house isn't safe, I can probably rent you a small studio apartment. Close enough to campus, but then you can get some distance."

John could almost hug his dad right now. "That… would be really good. If that's fine."

"Of course, son." He smiled. "It's not too much trouble."

"Thanks." John sighed. "And? What's the other condition?"

"Ah. He wants you to get therapy."

John froze.

_Have you realized your mistakes?_

"John?"

_You need to understand that your actions have consequences!_

"John! Are you alright?" 

John blinked up to a worried expression. His father was hovering his hand over John's shoulder.

"I'm… fine. What…" He looked away, to the window opposite his father, "What kind of therapy?"

His father hesitated. "It's… well, he recommended a private therapist. They've worked with a lot of kids with, uh, mood disorders. Based on what he showed me, they do their job pretty well. Patient satisfaction is quite high."

"I see."

"It's supposed to be a safe space kind of situation: you go in, talk about what's troubling you, see if there's a way to resolve it, and then nothing leaves that space without your consent."

"Oh… I guess that doesn't sound too bad…" John's gaze slid to the ceiling again. 

They were silent for a bit. 

"So… what do you think? Will you take up Headmaster Vaughn's offer?" 

John gave a quiet hum. In all honesty, it didn't sound bad at all. Maybe things could finally take a turn for the better.

"... Yeah. Yeah, I think I will."


	5. Session 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John talks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I'm not very knowledgeable on psychology or anything, and I am definitely not a professional when it comes to counseling. The only things I know about therapy are my own experiences, and my issues are... pretty mild in comparison to John's. That said, I hope this is a reasonable depiction!
> 
> Also, if you haven't seen it yet, I added some cover art in chapter 1 and a doodle for chapter 2!

TRANSCRIPT OF SESSION 1

AURIN SELEN AND JOHN DOE 

XX/XX/201X, 3:01 PM

Selen: Good afternoon, John. You can call me Selen if you like. 

John: Ah, sure. Good afternoon, I guess.

Selen: Let's get the logistics out of the way first. This session, and some of our future ones if you decide to continue, is being recorded. No recordings of any sessions will be shared with anyone else, even the authorities. Only I will have access to them. Do you consent to this?

John: … Sure. 

Selen: Excellent. Generally speaking, everything said in this room stays in this room. I am not allowed to speak of what you share with anyone, but you may share your confidence with anyone you trust. However, if you are an immediate danger to yourself or others, I must inform your guardian. Sound fair?

John: Yeah. That's fine. Not like I really have anyone to tell besides my Dad, anyway.

Selen: That seems like something that's bothering you. Having no one to tell. Do you want to talk about that?

_John gives a heavy sigh._

John: I guess…? I didn't really have a lot of friends at Wellston. I have—no. I _had_ Sera, but after what I did, she definitely doesn't want to talk to me anymore. And the rest are two-faced, power-hungry pieces of _garbage_.

Selen: … I see. 

_The sound of shifting clothing; Selen is adjusting their position._

Selen: May I ask what makes you say that everyone else is "garbage"?

John: Tch. Weaklings don't stand up for themselves. People with power look down on the weak, make them miserable and see nothing wrong with it. And everyone's f*cking obsessed with the _hierarchy_ . My friend loses her power and suddenly everyone thinks it's fun to beat up the new cripple. I tried to make friends with this jerk, and he gathers a bunch of people to ambush me, to drag me into his sh*t kingdom. These fake idiots start playing nice only after they realize I have power, after they broke my wrist and shot a beam at my head. That sort of thing. Everyone's obsessed with power. _Pff_. It's the only thing that matters in this society.

Selen: That's understandable. What have you tried to do about it?

_John snorts._

John: I tore down their stupid hierarchy. I beat everyone that stood for it into the ground. 

_A pause._

John: … I didn't want anything to do with it. I wanted to live as a cripple, to fade into the background. But he… everyone's obsession with it kept dragging me back. I did what I had to, though I tried to hide who, hide _what_ I am. I… the last thing I wanted was for Sera to find out what a m… monster I am. And she did. And I ran out into the street and got hit. 

Selen: Ah. How long have you been friends with this "Sera?"

John: Around a year, I guess…? We've been pretty close for a while. Well. She was my only friend, really. 

Selen: Have the two of you had a conversation since she found out about you?

John: … No. I haven't seen her or anyone from school. I… I can't. I can't face her. I know she hates me. Why would anyone put up with a monster?

Selen: You keep calling yourself a monster. Why?

John: Why? Ha! If you'd seen what I'd done to those idiots, you'd think I'm a monster too.

Selen: What makes you so sure? Everyone has problems to deal with. Mishandling can result in disaster no matter what the situation is. The question is, really, what causes you to act like what you call a "monster." 

John: … I… 

_John starts fidgeting._

John: A lot of things…? Or, I don't know! I beat up Arlo and his goons for betraying me, ambushing me out in a field. I beat up the royals because they stood for the hierarchy. It all comes down to the hierarchy, I guess? I dunno.

Selen: Fair enough. 

_Some shuffling._

Selen: But I must ask, was violence truly necessary?

John: People don't change unless you beat it into their heads. That's the kind of world this is. 

Selen: What about Sera? Is she part of the system, as well? Did she change?

_John lets out a breath._

John: Well… she _was_. She used to be Queen, and the highest ranked student at the school. But after she beat me up and we had to work on a project together, I guess I got through to her and she stopped caring about the hierarchy so much. 

Selen: And did you have to, as you say, beat it into her head?

John: … No… I guess not… Not physically, at least.

Selen: If I may. I think that with the right information, the right arguments and evidence, as well as, well, bull-headed determination to your view, you'd be able to make anyone are least see _why_ you think the way you do.

John: …

Selen: In any case. I understand if you're not ready to see your friend. But she seems fairly open-minded, and your friendship lasted a long time before this wedge was driven between you two. If she wants to try to understand, will you consider giving her a chance?

John: … I… I don't know. If I can face her. 

Selen: That's alright. 

_John gives a hum._

John: But… I guess I could try. If she reaches out. If not… 

_John shrugs._

Selen: That's very fair. … Well, I think our time is up for today! I hope it was helpful.

John: It was… It was pretty good. To talk about it. Thanks. 

Selen: It's what I'm here for. 

_Some shuffling of papers._

Selen: If you're up to it, same time next week?

John: … That sounds good. I guess I'll be heading out, then. See you.

Selen: Bye!

TRANSCRIPT END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know therapy sessions are often longer, but.... I'm not gonna write a whole hour of conversation, so just I'll just pull that Suspension of Disbelief


	6. Departure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: I'll probably be getting busier  
> Also me: I have Ideas and I don't want to stop

"So, how was it?"

John looked up to see his dad on one of the sofas in the lobby. No one else was there—it looked like he was entertaining himself by reading some of the magazines piled on the side table. 

John gave a single-shouldered shrug as he eased the door closed behind him. "I guess it really wasn't that bad. I told them I'd be back next week."

His dad's face brightened. "That's great to hear! But just so you know, finding the right therapist doesn't always happen right away. It's alright if they aren't a good fit for you."

"I—I know. It was… it was good. I think talking to them helped." 

"I'm glad," his father smiled warmly. "Let's head back, then?" 

John nodded.

— 

His new place was small. Quite obviously for a single person: one main room with a kitchen, a closet, and his bed, desk, and table, as well as a connected bathroom. A large window offered a view of the Wellston skyline—for the price, it wasn't bad at all. 

His dad was currently taking his bed while he slept on the floor. It was a bit tight, but all considered, he didn't mind. He might even say he was happy with his new situation. 

About a week has passed since he moved in. He hasn't heard anything about the social events on campus, but all the homework and lecture notes or slides were being sent to him regularly. 

Studying has been… happening. Some progress was being made. But he probably really needed the help of that tutor. 

"Home, sweet home!" His dad announced, swinging open the door.

"..." John gave him a withering look, following him inside. "This isn't  _ your _ home, though…"

"No, but it  _ is _ yours for now!" His dad turned around to face him. "John… I hope you can soon become confident enough to go back to campus. No damage is ever permanent, alright? Everything can heal. The only thing that is certain is that everything will pass eventually."

John blinked, taken aback, before dropping his eyes to the floor. "I guess we'll see."

"You know you have to go eventually, right? That was the deal. Once you're in a better place, mentally speaking, you can try going back."

"I know, I know, I'm just." He bit out a sigh. "Not ready yet. I'll think about it later, I just gotta focus on other things for now." He shoved his hands in his pockets, trying to stop them from trembling. 

"Hey." John looked up, seeing his dad approach, hand over his shoulder. "Take as much time as you need. I'm sorry I can't stay longer…"

"..." 

"—Ah!" His dad stumbled back at John's sudden embrace. But he quickly returned it, wrapping his arms around his son.

"Love you, Dad." John's voice was muffled a bit, but he was pretty sure he was getting his point across. "Thanks for… everything." 

"Of course, son. Of course. Call me whenever you want, alright?" John nodded against him.

It took a bit for John to finally pry himself away, rubbing his arm in embarrassment. "You, uh… you leave tonight, right? 6ish?"

"Yep."

"Do you… want to play a bit of poker before you go?"

"That sounds great."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the... sketchy doodle of hugging was not too sketchy  
> Quality and presence of doodles will vary greatly depending on how motivated I feel hah


	7. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Familiar faces.

_Ugh…_

John squinted at the words on the page.

_I don't understand any of this._

He tossed his pencil onto the table, leaning back on his chair. 

_The tutor's supposed to come soon, aren't they?_ He pushed his chair back, balancing on the back legs as he stared idly out the window.

He got an email from the headmaster earlier, telling him that his tutor will come in a few hours. Well. He got it a few hours ago, so... 

_I wonder who it is… I never even bothered to ask._

The sound of knocking on the door drew him out of his thoughts. 

"Coming—ack!" He let go of his balance a little too suddenly, chair slamming back to the floor and colliding him with the table. Grumbling and rubbing his ribs, he made his way to the door, unlocking and opening it.

And promptly closing it.

And then opening it again. 

This time, when he tried to close it, he was stopped by a foot in the doorway. "John."

"S-Sera. Why are you here? How did you find me?" His eyes darted to the side, looking anywhere but at her face. 

"What do you think?"

John glanced at her. Her eyebrow was raised.

"I'm here to tutor you." 

* * *

_Okay. Okay. Deep breaths. She doesn't seem mad. Or afraid. Or disgusted. Or anything. This is fine. You're fine._

A binder slammed onto the table where Sera had dropped it, causing him to jump slightly. She took the chair opposite him, before pinning him with… some kind of look. Her brow was furrowed, and her gaze seemed… searching. 

"The headmaster told me that you're temporarily working off campus, and asked me to tutor you until you come back. It's pretty reasonable, really, considering that I get top grades even when I barely go to class. Clearly, I have time to spare."

John nodded stiffly. Of course, if the headmaster asked her to do it… "Reasonable."

Sera stared at him a little longer, before sighing. "Alright. How far are you on the homework?"

He blinked, before managing a half-smile. "I've barely started."

"I should have known…" Sera shook her head. "Show me what you have."

* * *

Surprisingly, the tutoring went fairly smoothly. John still constantly avoided eye contact, but he managed to get himself under enough control to focus on the homework. Everything was fine as long as he didn't think about anything else. 

Right now, Sera was flopped on his bed, playing on her phone while he worked out the last bits of his homework. He could almost imagine that everything was back to normal, that he didn't send a bunch of his peers to the hospital, that he didn't have a mental breakdown and subsequently try to get himself killed.

"John?"

He started, looking up at her—and immediately skittering his gaze back to his homework. Ah, he must have spaced out… 

"Oh, I'm, uh…" He finished writing the last calculations, "just about done. Can you—can you check it over?" 

A few seconds passed. "Sure." He heard her get up and walk over, before grabbing the other chair and dragging it next to him. As soon as she sat down, he slid his paper to her and laid his head down on his arms.

He listened to the sound of Sera flipping through the pages, allowing his mind to drift. 

It was nice to see her again, even if she probably still hated him… 

… 

Sera tapped the table, and he lifted his head to look at her blearily. "It looks good. Well, good enough. It looks like you understand the material, at least."

"Thank god," John heaved a sigh of relief. "If I had to redo any of that one more time I swear I'd have run into the street again."

Sera gave him a withering glare.

"Too soon?" He grimaced and turned his head to the other side of the room. 

He heard her breathe in deeply and slowly breathe out. "... That was the last of it, so I think I'll head out. Until next time."

"Until next time," John echoed, still fixing his eyes on nothing in particular.

He watched as Sera gathered her belongings and made her way to the door in his periphery. She put on her shoes and opened the door, before pausing in the threshold. "Hey."

John lifted his head, finally meeting her eyes as she looked over her shoulder. "Y-yeah?"

"You seem to be doing better." She held his gaze for a few moments, before turning her head forward to the exit once more. "I'm glad."

And with that, she shut the door.

John blinked a few times. He wasn't sure what to make of that. 

His gaze fell back down to his finally-completed homework, and he let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Somehow, he felt a little lighter.

"... Thanks, Sera."

The sound of footsteps echoed in the hall outside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say that I am greatly enjoying consuming this story as well as writing it  
> I pretty much feel like I let the characters lead me, and developments are very fun for me as well  
> For one thing, Sera being John's tutor just slotted into place perfectly and I wasn't even planning on it! I am quite looking forward to see how it turns out myself, heh heh heh
> 
> Also yes I totally sit like that sometimes (see doodle).


	8. Consideration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arlo learns a few things.

"Isen."

"HeeEEeey, Arlo! Fancy meeting you here!"

Arlo simply raised an eyebrow at him. "Well?"

Isen looked away. "... I just want to say that I'm still not happy about prying into his history."

Arlo sighed through his teeth. "I know. But it might be important."

"Ughhhh. Alright." Isen rubbed a hand across his face. "I looked into his old… uh… I'll just say they're friends."

"And?"

"I tried emailing them. One of them responded yesterday. I, uh… I basically told her that we're trying to make sure what happened at New Bostin doesn't happen again. And she…" Isen scuffed his feet on the floor. "She was pretty insistent that  _ she _ hurt  _ him _ . That it was her fault that he ended up the way he is."

Arlo's eyebrows shot straight up. "... How?"

"I mean—obviously John was doing a lot of beating up and all, so I suspect she might be a little biased, but she said that she knew he would become king, and planned to use him to rise through the ranks. Apparently, he was a late-bloomer, and, with her ability, he saw that he would become powerful." Isen looked out the window he was leaning on. "He… he was pretty brutal in punching the lights out of his former oppressors. The stronger he got, the more violent he got, and the more people became resentful and fearful of him. And the more discontent there was, the more John would be set off…" 

Isen crossed his arms. "This person said that if she wasn't so obsessed with power at first, she could have stopped… all that. She says that she didn't mean to make a monster of him, that he didn't  _ have _ to be that way, but that's what he became. And when she realized it and gathered her classmates to try to knock some sense into him…"

"He destroyed them all…" Arlo tapped his chin. "This… this makes an almost alarming amount of sense. His opposition to the hierarchy. His trust issues. If she was important to him, then maybe there's a lot of fear, as well. Fear of losing people close to him." His eyes widened. "… Shit."

Isen paled. "Ah."

Arlo covered his mouth with his hands. "I tried to make him come back to the hierarchy. I… I deceived him to force him to act. And then I go and make sure Seraphina— ugh. Somehow, I managed to hit where it hurts most every time. It's no wonder he…" He lifted his hands to cover his face, leaning back. "… I… I need to think. Isen?"

"Mm?" 

"Please tell me if you find any other important information. We've mishandled the situation long enough." Arlo started walking away. 

"Ah... Got it."

"It's about time we start doing something right. And…" He muttered under his breath, "It's about time he gets a break from the entire world hurting him."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: you know what'd be fun  
> Me: giving everyone guilty consciences
> 
> Also Isen is extremely useful in getting information circulating in the story


	9. Session 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Digging a little deeper.

TRANSCRIPT OF SESSION 2

AURIN SELEN AND JOHN DOE 

XX/XX/201X, 3:05 PM

John: Hey.

Selen: Hello! So… How have things been?

John: Not… bad. It's nice to be able to work from home.

Selen: Yes… Vaughn is allowing you to do so until we decide that you're ready to go back, right?

John: Yeah… 

_ John fidgets.  _

John: I saw Sera.

Selen: Oh?

John: She's… my tutor. She came to my place the other day.

Selen: How did that turn out?

John: Surprisingly… Not terribly. We got through my homework. She helped me understand the material. 

_ A pause. _

John: I… hope she's doing alright. She lost her ability recently and it's been… well… she wasn't in a good place. She was getting crushed by the stupid hierarchy. I don't know if… people are still obsessed with that, after what I pulled. What she was going through… compared to that, my issues are nothing.

Selen: I see… John. Can you do me a favor and not compare your struggles with others?

John: What…?

Selen: Everyone is different. She's struggling. You're struggling. It doesn't matter who has it worse - what only matters is if you can make it better.

John: … 

Selen: You've been facing this alone for quite some time, no? Whether it's worse or not is irrelevant: if you're hurting, you're hurting. Trivializing your pain will often corner yourself in your own mind.

John: That makes sense, I guess… I'll try.

Selen: Excellent. So, did you talk to her about what happened recently? 

John: No… I was… 

_ John's voice becomes muffled as he hides his face in his hands. _

John: I was terrified. Of what she thought of me. What do I look like to her? I don't want her to see how disgusting I am… 

_ His voice becomes clear again. _

John: But… right before she left. She told me that she was glad that I seemed to be doing better. Though I—I don't know if that means a lot, since the last time she saw me I was nearly suicidal, and I figure any decent person doesn't want to see someone die… 

_ John trails off, and the room lapses into silence. _

Selen: That's a lot to chew on. But let's start with… "disgusting." This seems to be a common thread. Why do you resent yourself so?

John: Ha… That's easy. I'm a terrible person, corrupted by my power. I hurt… so many people, and part of me still thinks they deserve it. It took three months of those classes to ingrain into me what a monster I truly am… 

Selen: Classes?

John: You don't know about them? The… The readjustment classes. I— I spent three months with the authorities, and they— they—…

Selen: John? John, breathe with me. They were in the past. Stay in the present. 

John: S-s-sorry, I…

Selen: It's alright. You're doing great. 

_ A few minutes pass, filled with harsh breathing and reassurances. Slowly, John's breathing came back to a more stable equilibrium. _

John: Alright. Alright, I'm… I'm okay. 

Selen: It looks to me like these classes may have done more harm than help to your mental state. If you're up to it, can you tell me more about them? If not, we can try some other time. 

John: I… I think I can. Talk about it now.

_ He takes a deep breath. _

John: They… brought me to something like an interrogation room and cuffed me to the table. The instructor… The instructor showed me pictures of everyone I sent to the hospital. I… I refused to believe I was in the wrong, at first. But he showed me pictures of the people I considered my closest friends… And then he. He uses his ability to make me relive my memories of beating them up. 

_ A sigh. _

John: I… regardless of who was right, or wrong… I shouldn't have. I could have killed them… I didn't hold back. They didn't deserve that. I just couldn't help myself at that time, I just wanted to hurt them _ so badly _ . That kind of person… That kind of person is a monster, isn't he? 

Selen: Hmm. Forgive me, but this sounds an awful lot like reconditioning. They couldn't control you, so they induced a sense of self-loathing in relation to any of your violent acts. 

John: … I… 

Selen: It didn't solve any problems. It covered up one issue with another. Before we address anything else, can you agree with that?

John: … He… He showed me what I did wrong. 

Selen: Maybe. But his methodology was clearly traumatic for you. I want to help you come to terms with yourself. We can start by accepting that his treatment of you was wrong. 

John: … I don't know. I can try, but I… I've lived with this for so long already… I've changed my life for it. I felt like I changed it for the better, living as a cripple… 

Selen: I understand. But if this has led you to be happier repressing a large part of your identity, then I think we can do better.

John: That's… fair… 

Selen: I won't press you any more. If you like, we can stop here for today. But please, consider that.

John: … Yeah… Alright. I will. 

Selen: Oh, and… Consider talking to Sera. If you're going to spend a lot of time with her, it may be better to clear the air. And if possible… having someone who can support you can do wonders for your mental health. 

John: … I'll think about it. Next week, then?

Selen: If you're up to it, of course. 

John: Okay. Thanks. See you.

Selen: See you.

TRANSCRIPT END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, not a qualified therapist: how do I fix this broken child  
> Also me, an angst-feels-seeker: SUFFER and then GET BETTER


	10. The Office

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isen: _looks at the camera like he's in The Office_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do think patient confidentiality is a very serious thing but.... p l ot, okay

_"Isen. Please come to the office at your earliest convenience."_

_Oh, shit, what now?_ Isen broke out in a nervous sweat. The other students in his class started whispering amongst each other.

"Class! Stay on task." The side conversations were quickly silenced at that.

_I don't think I did anything to get in trouble…_

_…_

_… Unless… it's about John…?_

Alright, the anxiety was going to kill him. He raised his hand. "Can I go?"

The teacher fixed him with a glare, before sighing. "Very well."

* * *

As Isen approached the office, he could hear some murmurs. Unable to help his curiosity, he activated his ability.

_"... —know I'm not allowed to give any details."_

_"Of course, of course. But I'd just like to know if he seems… better."_

_"... I'm glad you sent him to me. Actually, I can't believe it took you this long! That 'trauma' you said he probably has? He's likely been living with it by repressing himself for years. I'm surprised it took this long for him to break down."_

_"I… see."_

_"It's going to take a while to unravel everything. It's not unlikely that things will get worse before they get better, but I suppose we'll find out."_

A deep sigh. _"Yes. I'm grateful as always for your help, Selen. Now then…"_

The voice was raised such that he could hear it even without his ability. _"Isen. Are you there?"_

Isen jumped in surprise. Looks like he wasn't as subtle as he thought. He knocked on the door once before opening it and entering. "Uhh, hello, sir. You… wanted to see me?" He flicked his eyes up.

The headmaster coolly regarded him from his desk—as per usual. But standing next to him was someone he'd never seen before. 

They had long, pale brown hair tied back in a ponytail, which slid across their shoulder as they turned their head to face him. Silvery-gold eyes framed by thin glasses peered at him, completely unreadable. They wore a light blue jacket-cardigan-blazer-thing over a gray turtleneck. 

"That's correct." He pulled his gaze back to the headmaster. "From what I can tell, you've been trying to gather information on John?"

 _Dammit, Isen, what have you gotten yourself info now?_ He looked at his feet. "... Yes, sir."

"Why?"

Isen lifted his head. "Why? Well. Mostly because Arlo told me to, but…" He fiddled with a button on his shirt. "I… We… are hoping that we can get to the root of what's causing him to, uh, act out."

"And what do you plan to do with that information? Will you use it against him?"

"No!" Isen surprised himself with his outburst. "Er, I mean…! We're hoping that we can make things better for all of us. Him included. What he did wasn't right, but maybe… probably… we didn't do right by him, either."

The headmaster exchanged a look with the stranger. He then sighed, closing his eyes. "I see. Isen."

"Y-yes?"

"I will choose to believe that you will try to improve the situation. As such, I will provide some information that may be helpful, on the condition that you ensure that it stays between you and those who are trustworthy."

Isen blinked rapidly. This was not what he was expecting at all. After a few seconds, he realized that the headmaster probably wanted him to respond. "Oh! Uh. Yeah. I'll do my best? It's just the… former royals, I guess."

"Very well." Vaughn nodded. He gestured to the stranger. "This is Selen. They're a good friend of mine—" 

"Are you John's therapist?" Isen blurted. He then took two seconds to think about what he just asked. "Wait, no nevermind—"

"Hmm." Selen tilted their head, considering him. "I can't confirm or deny that. I can say I am _a_ therapist, however." 

Considering the situation, his hypothesis seemed likely. Wait, was this one of the things he was 'telling' Isen?

The headmaster hummed. "... They have experience with helping students here. I thought they could provide some insight." He tapped a finger on the table. "John is a troubled child in more ways than one. He has violent tendencies, yes, but I suspect that his experience in his readjustment lessons with the authorities was… more harm than help, from how he acted when faced with his former instructor."

Readjustment lessons? Authorities? That sounded like trouble. He'd have to find out more about that… 

"I believe he is someone who is hurting, and the only way he knows how to deal with it is to trivialize his pain or hurt back. Both of which tend to exacerbate the situation, though in different ways." The headmaster's gaze was intense. "My hope is that you and your friends will find a way to break the cycle. If he can finally get the chance to heal, then it is quite possible that the situation would improve for everyone."

Isen gulped and nodded. 

"He is very much a product of his environment. Everything that's happened to him has likely led him to lose faith in society, in others. In himself." Selen spoke up. "From what Vaughn has told me, after everything both sides have done, I doubt he'll trust you all easily. But if you're willing to try…" They exhaled. "He could really use some more friends."

Isen's eyes widened. "I don't—I don't know if that's possible. Us being… friends with him. I don't know if it'd be good to try, either…" And he wasn't sure if he wanted to, considering what he's seen of John's personality. 

"He can't tell the truth from the lies. If you can show him, then… Perhaps things will change. Perhaps he'll show a side of himself that's been buried under all the walls he's built for years." Selen looked back out the window.

The truth? Isen hummed in thought. "... I'll try."

Headmaster Vaughn nodded. "Good. I expect John will be back on campus in a few weeks or so. He's temporarily working off campus while he recovers from everything that's happened."

"Ah…" So that's what was going on.

"And…" Vaughn paused. "Seraphina is tutoring him at least once every week. Do with that information as you wish."

Sera was tutoring John? Isen wasn't sure if he should be worried or relieved. "... Yes, sir."

"Right then. You're dismissed."

Isen bowed and left the office, closing the door behind him.

He stood without moving for a few seconds.

_What… just happened???_

* * *

**Bonus:**

Here's Aurin Selen's design!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I usually feel strange about adding OCs into fanfic, but as long as they advance the plot and don't feel unnaturally inserted I think I'm cool with it  
> I hope you all are cool with it


	11. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John talks. And Sera listens.

John tapped a pencil on his paper. 

Sera was coming back today. 

He thought back to his call with his dad yesterday—they talked every few days or so, or whenever his dad had time. John was glad for the company.

_"Did you know that Sera was going to be my tutor?"_

_"Er… Not exactly? We discussed the possibility, at least, and we did agree that it might be the best option."_

_"Hmm. Well. She's… coming over again today. I don't know if… I mean, it was fine when she came last time, but… we didn't talk about anything. But working with all that hanging over our heads…"_

_"... Might not be the best idea, huh?"_

_"Yeah… I'm. I'm just." His voice dropped to a whisper. "I never wanted her to see me like_ **_that_** _. Now that she has, I… how can she not hate me? Honestly, it's… nice… to spend time with her. I really miss having her around all the time. Maybe, if I don't say anything, then we can just keep going like this."_

_"John…"_

_"I know, I know, it's not sustainable. But, well," John's voice wavered. "One thing more terrifying than despair is a glimmer of hope. Maybe we_ **_can_ ** _be friends again. But I'm afraid if I try I'll lose what I have now."_

_"I understand. It's not easy." John's dad sighed. "If anything, I'd recommend just… trying to explain. At the very least, if she knows what's going on, she can figure out how to react to it. I have no doubt that at least part of what she's feeling is confusion. After all, she trusted you."_

_John couldn't help but flinch at that. "I—" He swallowed. "I'll try."_

_"John, I don't want to push you to do something you're not comfortable with yet. Whenever you're ready, alright? But sooner is better than later."_

_"... 'Kay."_

He got up and filled a glass of water, downing it almost instantaneously. He started pacing across his room. He sat down on his chair.

The anticipation was going to kill him. 

He forced himself to try to focus on the homework, only mildly effectively. At least his frustration with it took his mind off some of the anxiety. 

At some point while he was practically a hole in the paper with his glare, a knock on the door interjected into his awareness. He jumped slightly at the sound, before rising out of his chair. "I'll, uh, be right there!"

Okay. Take a deep breath and let it out.

He opened the door. 

"John."

"Hey, Sera." He barely managed to keep the quaver out of his voice. 

"Are you gonna let me in or what?"

"Oh. Yeah." He stepped to the side, letting her in. After toeing off her shoes, she slid her bag off her shoulder, hanging it off the back of one of the chairs.

"So, how far are you?"

"Halfway, I'd say…" He twisted his hands together. Should he do it now? After? 

"Oh? That's surprising. I guess you're improving after all. That is, if you're getting it right. Hand it over."

John hesitated. "... Actually, um… could we… talk?" His gaze slid to the right.

He heard Sera stop moving. Glancing up, he could see her expression: almost forcefully blank. She closed her eyes, taking a breath before opening them again. "... Yes."

* * *

"First of all," John steeled himself and looked Sera straight in the eye, "I'm sorry." 

Sera blinked. "For…?"

"Above all, I'm sorry for lying to you. I—you… at the very least, I should have told _you_ that I had an ability. I should have told you that I was Joker. I was just…" John's gaze fell to the table between them, "I just didn't want you to see me like that. I didn't want you to see what a terrible person I was underneath everything I tried to be."

John looked back up at Sera. She still had yet to react. He slid his gaze to the side again. "I don't deserve my power. I can't… I can't control my impulses. And no one can stop me. You've seen what I do with my ability. Part of me, that ugly monster underneath, still thinks they had it coming." He looked back up at Sera, a tortured expression on his face. "That since they hurt me, then I could hurt them back." He covered his face with his hands. "But another part of me hates that I think that way. All I wanted to do was to live as a cripple, to live without ever using my power to harm another person."

"What made you stop?" John's head snapped up. Sera's brow was furrowed. "Why did you start using your ability again?"

"Oh—well, that." John laughs humorlessly. "You know how I told you that Arlo brought me to a field and ambushed me? The day you came back and saw me break down?" 

Sera nodded. 

"I wasn't lying. Not entirely. He got Isen to somehow dig up my past, and he—Arlo, that is—became displeased that I wasn't acting my rank. That I had power and wouldn't use it. So he broke me down bit by bit, and when I was worn thin, he and his goons pinned me down and got ready to beat me to a pulp. All when I was just trying to be friends with him."

John stared out the window. "At that moment… something broke, I guess. I realized then. That even if I try to keep my head low… **society is full of fools like him.** **In that moment, I hated him. And I wanted to destroy him. For fucking with my head, for destroying any mental stability I thought I had at Wellston.** " John blinked rapidly. "I—" He put a hand over his mouth. Keep it together. Stay calm. "I defeated him then. And I told him to keep quiet about it and leave me alone."

"So that you could continue living your lie?" Sera's expression was pinched as she looked at him. 

John's eyes flickered. "... Yes."

"And then?"

John smiled painfully. "Then you lost your ability and everything came crashing down." John held a hand to his head. "I couldn't stand—everyone thought they could step on you just because you lost your power. **Everyone's obsessed with the shitty hierarchy, and I couldn't take it anymore. Everyone abuses their power.** " John made a sound between laughing and crying. " **They're just like me! But maybe if I tore it to pieces, then we could finally be left alone.** " He buried his face in his hands again. "We all saw how that turned out."

He heard Sera take a deep breath, letting it out through her nose. "Alright. Alright. One more thing." John lowered his hands to the table, allowing him to see her face. She was looking to the side, face twisted in a grimace. "Why… why did you try to end your life?"

"Oh." John blinked. "Well. At that moment, when I was looking it in the face, the sweet release of death seemed better than living in a world I had nowhere to belong to anymore." He propped his head on one of his hands. "You know, back in New Bostin, my old school… the one person I thought I could trust betrayed me. She helped me become king to advance her own status, but…" John leaned back. "I guess she saw me for what I really was. Tried to stop me. But I was too powerful, and crushed her and everyone she brought to fight me. I asked her why. And when I wouldn't listen to what she was telling me, she called me a monster." He smiled serenely at Sera. "I lost everything then. And when you found out I was Joker, I thought I lost everything again. I mean—I was in a very emotional and irrational state at that time, and I don't think I'll try to take my life again. I wouldn't hurt my dad like that. If I—If I didn't have him, I probably wouldn't be here now. Still… " John sighed, looking at the ceiling. "The last thing I wanted," his voice shrank to near-silence, "was to lose you."

Sera made a soft noise, and John sat up to look at her. She was turned away, looking towards the window. John cast his eyes to the table.

"I'll need some time to process this." John flicked his eyes back up. Sera was still looking away. 

"I… alright. That's fair." John pulled his hands in front of him, clasping them together on top of the table. 

The minutes ticked by, Sera still looking out the window, her expression flickering with more emotions than John could keep track of. 

Eventually, she sighed. "I… I need more time. Maybe more than just today. Can we just work on your homework for now?" 

John exhaled, nodding. Whatever her judgement would be, he didn't have to face it now. Sera schooled her expression, and then held out her hand. "Hand it over, then."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been looking forward to this and the next chapter for a while eheh
> 
> Also, in case you didn't figure it out, bolded text is the equivalent of "black text" in the comic, at least in John and Sera's conversation! I used bold for emphasis during the call since it's already italicized.


	12. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Acceptance was terrifying when you couldn't accept yourself.

Yesterday didn't go terribly, John thought. All considered, she didn't seem mad at him, and they managed to finish the homework without another hitch. Besides his usual ineptitude, at least. 

She did seem… disturbed by what he told her, though. It made him nervous. 

He sat up from where he was lying in bed. How long until she delivers her judgement? Next week, when she came by to tutor him again, or… 

Someone knocked on the door. 

_Huh?_

That… that could only be one person. 

John stood up and walked to the door. He hovered his hand over the handle, hesitating. 

There was another knock, and John flinched slightly, before steeling himself and wrenching it open. 

There Sera stood, hand raised to knock. She looked him in the eye. "I have a few things to say."

* * *

They say in the same places as last time, both taking chairs across his table. 

John fidgeted with his hands. 

"I called your dad."

John looked up.

"Part of me still was afraid of believing you, after all the lies you've told me. I didn't know what was real and what wasn't."

Swallowing his anxiety, John nodded. He couldn't blame her for that. 

"He said… He said that he didn't know about everything that happened at Wellston, exactly, but he did know that after New Bostin and whatever those 'classes' he mentioned were—he didn't tell me that much about them," she interjected upon John's start, "But he told me that you… it seemed like you got depressed after that?" 

John looked away, nodding after a moment.

Sera scrutinized him. "... He helped you get better, right? Starting with UnOrdinary."

"... Yeah."

Sera closed her eyes. "You know, he said to me, and I quote, 'I confess I don't think I did the best job I could have. Because while it looked like he was happier, it turns out he still hated himself underneath. What kind of father am I if I enabled that?'"

John blinked up at Sera. "Wh…"

"You tried to be a cripple because you wanted to be like him, right?"

"Y-yeah."

"Because you didn't want to be yourself."

John nodded stiffly.

Sera sighed. "It really bothered him, you know. That you'd put yourself through that kind of pain. You didn't even tell _him_?"

"No. Not until that time he visited."

"..." Sera hummed, glancing to the side wryly. "I guess it makes me feel a little better that you never told me."

She paused for a moment, and then looked straight at John. "I want to give you a chance."

John froze.

"I don't know if I'm ready to forgive you, but I want to get a chance to know the _real_ you. No more lies. No more masks."

John recoiled as if struck. "Wh… why would you _want_ that? You've seen me for what I am."

"Because," steel was in her eyes, "I want to believe that our friendship wasn't entirely a lie. And I want to believe that you are more than the 'monster' you think you are."

John blinked rapidly. His head was spinning. "I…"

"Also," Sera's voice cut through the ringing in his ears, "I'm sorry."

John snapped his eyes to her. 

"I'm sorry I called you a monster. That was cruel without knowing anything. But for you, I probably cut far deeper than I ever would have expected."

John's breaths were coming a little too fast. His eyes burned. "A-ah. Well. That's alright. I had it coming."

"No. I hurt you, and regardless of anything else, I'm sorry. I think you're more than just a monster. I think you're human, just like the rest of us."

John covered his eyes. "How can—how can you say that?" A glimmer of hope was more painful than despair. "How can you know that?" Wetness stained his hands. "I've tried so hard not to show it. You _saw_ it. You saw _me_. I'm a monster. I hurt so many people." Acceptance was terrifying when you couldn't accept yourself.

"Because _you_ were hurting, no?"

John sniffed. 

"John…" A touch landed on his wrists. "Talk to me. Look at me."

He let her pull his hands away, but he still kept his head lowered. 

"What you did was wrong. But it was a result of everything you've suffered." Sera exhaled. "Look. I told you before, and it still holds true. You've always had my back, and it helped me get through my ability loss. But you… you've been keeping all your pain to yourself, haven't you? And it eventually boiled over into… everything that happened."

John curled into himself a little more. A sigh, and a dragging of a chair—in his peripheral view, he saw Sera move her chair next to him and sit down. He felt a light touch on his back.

"Hey. Look at me." John flinched. But after a moment, he lifted his head to look at Sera. Her eyes were clear of judgement. It was terrifying.

"I want to support you. I want to be what you were for me." She closed her eyes for a moment. "Do you… trust me?"

Despite everything… "Yes," he managed to croak out.

"Then tell me whenever you're hurting. Tell me whenever you want to hurt someone. If you can't stop yourself, I'll stop you. I want a chance to know who you really are, alright? Not just your mask of ease. I want to know your pain. I want to know your suffering. I want to know if I can help you get better, _be_ better. And then…" Sera smiled lightly. "I want to know, with nothing in between, if we can be best friends again."

John's vision blurred. The tears were flowing freely down his face, now. "I want that more than anything. But…" He blinked away the wetness. "It's terrifying. I don't want to lose everything again. What if you're wrong, and I really am just a shit person? I don't know if I can take it."

Sera's smile turned wry. "I guess that's a chance you'll have to take." John's eyes slid down. 

"But believe me when I say," He looked back up. "I miss you."

"I miss you too," he whispered. 

He wasn't sure who initiated it. But the next thing he knew, they were embracing each other. He squeezed Sera tightly as he gasped for air, as his tears stained her shoulder. Sera squeezed back, one hand rubbing circles on his back, the other curling over his neck.

"I'm sorry," he choked out.

"I'm sorry, too."

"I never wanted to hurt you."

"Neither."

"I was scared of what you'd think."

"..."

"I was scared I'd be alone again…"

"I'm here now."

John curled into her embrace further. 

"I'm here."

* * *

They broke apart sometime later. He wasn't sure long they spent just sitting there, wrapped around each other. 

"Right then," Sera's voice was subdued. "I'll head out for now. Give you some time to process." 

"Right," John murmured, watching her from his seat. 

"Be seeing you." She opened the door.

"Will you—" She paused as he called out. "Will you be back tomorrow?"

Sera looked back at him. "... Sure." She smiled faintly. "Not like I have much else to do."

John half-smiled back. "Later, then?"

"Later." 

She was about to close the door, and then— "W-wait." Sera quirked an eyebrow at him. "... Thanks."

Sera smiled. "I'm glad to help." And she closed the door.

John sat in silence for a bit. 

He took a deep breath. It felt like the first breath of air after breaking the surface of the ocean drowning him.

Maybe… Maybe he could really have a chance. 

Maybe he could be happy. 

Maybe… he could finally learn how to live with himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The healing my heart wanted all along *clenches fist*
> 
> I felt like it deserved a proper rending as well, hence the proper art.  
> Feel free to check it out on dA [here](https://sta.sh/0qd7z08s4d5)!
> 
> Also, I've got finals coming up so I'll probably slow down for a bit! Unless my self control cracks hah


	13. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isen could really use some sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *wheezes* I'm halfway through finals

**_Group Chat: Arlo, Remi, Blyke, You, Elaine_ **

_2:13 pm_

_You: hey can we meet_

_You: i found… a lot_

_You: better be somewhere others don't hear either_

_Blyke: that sounds really shady what the hell did you dig up_

_You: probably better to say in person_

_Remi: I agree that sounds really shady_

_2:20 pm_

_Arlo: Room 216 is usually empty. Let's meet after class._

_You, Remi, Elaine, and Blyke liked a message_

* * *

"Isen, you look like shit."

"Thanks, Blyke." Isen rubbed his eyes. "Too many a late night hacking into databases, I guess."

Remi squawked. "H-hacking?!"

Isen gave her a withering look. "It's not the first time. How do you think I got John's high school record?" He sighed. "Arguably, it was a little more illegal this time."

"Th… that sounds like trouble." Elaine nervously wrung her hands. "What if you get caught?"

"Psh." Isen scoffed. "Who do you think I am? I covered my tracks. I also didn't go too deep. And there's a lot you can find just by digging through the internet."

Arlo sighed. He leaned on the podium, crossing his arms. "What did you find, Isen?"

Isen blinked. "Oh, right." He ran a hand through his hair. "To start, I guess… Pretty sure he was discharged a while ago, maybe a week after they got him to the hospital."

"A week?" Elaine muttered. "That's a while, with healing abilities going around and all."

"... Yeah. Guess it was pretty bad." Isen sighed. "Anyways. He's staying home for now. Please don't ask me how I know, but he is, luckily, seeing a therapist. My guess? Some kinda deal with the headmaster so he works from home until he's ready, mentally, to come back." Isen chewed his lip, considering. "Sera's tutoring him, too."

"That's… good… I think?" Remi ran a finger across her mouth. "Therapy is definitely good. But god—Sera? I don't know if… I mean… Didn't you think the whole cause of _that_ was Sera finding out about him?"

"But she _was_ his only friend." Arlo spoke. "For both their sakes, it'd be better if they could recover."

"Yeah, that's probably what he was thinking…" Isen muttered. Headmaster Vaughn, that is.

Blyke squinted at him suspiciously. But he let it slide, looking away. "Guess that's why he hasn't been back, yet…"

Isen hummed. Right, Blyke had cautiously moved back into his own dorm after there was no sign of John for a week. It's been another two weeks since then, almost three.

"Anyways," he clapped his hands together, "I also. I also found a lot about what happened to him. Arlo already knows some of it."

Arlo quirked an eyebrow at him.

Isen sighed and took a seat. "Might want to sit down for this." 

"What is this, a lecture?" Blyke grumbled. But soon enough, everyone except Arlo was seated.

Isen started tapping his fingers on the desk, other hand propping his head up. "So… You all know he was King at New Bostin." He heard the others murmur their assent. "Yeah. I had some… correspondence… with one of his former friends. John was a late bloomer, you see, and she has some kind of precognition ability. She knew he would become powerful, and she intended to use him to raise her status." Remi made some kind of noise at that. Isen paused, but she didn't say anymore, so he continued, pressing his fingers together in front of his face. "He was probably bullied. And when he realized he had the power to fight back, he wrecked everyone that messed with him."

He saw Elaine flinch in the back. "Things got worse. People didn't like him, he didn't like people. Everyone who talked trash about him got beat up, and that made it worse. That kind of environment…" He shook his head. "It's not so much of surprise he turned out to be so violent. Really was a cycle." He breathed out slowly through his nose. "Guess this friend actually started caring—and thought that she was responsible for making him so violent, so unhappy. But, well. She made it worse. She tried to gather a bunch of people to knock some sense into him, knock him off his throne of power, but." Isen laughs, a little high pitched, a little twisted. "He was too strong. He beat them all. Sent them to the hospital! Amazing, the things people do when they lose things that matter to them."

He scanned the expressions of his friends. Frustration, horror, anger, sadness, guilt… 

It really was a mess.

"This system is shit." Remi muttered. "I see what he was saying, before. It's power this, power that—the weak get stepped on and no one stops it."

Arlo looked guilty.

Elaine glanced at him. "Arlo?"

He closed his eyes. "I'll say after. Let Isen finish."

Isen hummed. "Ah, yeah... That's as far as Arlo knows. And I… I found out what happened next. It's… it's really bad."

"Bad _how_?" Blyke muttered.

"Uh. So. No one could stop him, right? The school just saw that he beat up half his class with no context, and when he wouldn't calm down, they called the authorities."

Remi's gaze sharpened at that.

"They got him, in the end. And then they expelled him and sent him to… readjustment classes."

"That sounds sketchy as hell." Blyke squinted at him. "What are they?"

Isen twisted his hands together. "... It's reconditioning. For higher tiers. When they're out of control, the authorities take them into these classes and break them down to build them a way they like better."

Everyone's eyes widened.

"What the hell?!" Blyke shot up out of his seat.

Elaine's hand covered her mouth. She looked ill. "That's… That's…"

"That's the way the authorities are," Remi bit out. "They just need to control everything."

Arlo made a sound like he was in pain. "What else? What more?"

Isen put a hand over his face. "I… dug into the history of those classes. Tracked down some 'troubled children' cases, traced their path to and from that facility." He looked up, a pained smile on his face. "Wanna know what I found?"

The faces of his friends suggested otherwise, but he barreled forward. "A third of them are dead by their twenties. Sometimes it's an accident. Sometimes it's a murder. Sometimes, it's," his eyes flicked down, "suicide. But I don't think it's a coincidence. On the surface, most of their profiles were fine afterwards. Well-behaved. Didn't get into much trouble. But interestingly enough, most of them aren't known for their abilities. Hard to imagine, right? God-tiers and high-tiers, and they just keep their heads down." Isen sighed. "I don't think it was rare to condition them to hate their ability." He gripped the back of his neck. "Too powerful to be controlled by the system, so you break their minds and they'll never be a bother again."

Isen heaved a sigh, leaning back on his chair. "If you hate your ability, that's hating a part of yourself. Not hard to imagine they hate themselves in general, afterwards. Maybe the classes leave them a barely functioning shell of who they were. But that shell is fragile. Easily broken. And then when they're faced with an escape, even if it's death…"

"They don't fight it." Arlo had a hand covering his eyes. "What the hell…"

Blyke's hands were white from gripping his desk. "This is unfair…"

Remi slammed a hand on her desk, standing up. Isen jumped slightly in surprise. "That's horrible! And it doesn't even make sense! These are the people that are supposed to 'protect' us. That's not a solution! That's just shoving the real problem under the rug!" Remi sat back down forcefully. "I knew the authorities were terrible already, but I… I still…" She threw her hands. "John needs help. I don't care what any of you say. I'm not going to let this stand."

"Remi, wait." Arlo held up a hand. "The situation isn't ideal. He doesn't trust us, not after…"

Remi's burning eyes turned to him. " _You_ . I talked to John. He said he was trying to be friends with you, and you brought him out to a field and ambushed him? I was thinking about it before, but for god's sake! You started this whole thing, didn't you?! Do you think there was maybe a _reason_ that he didn't want to get involved with school politics? Do you think, maybe, that people have problems of their own and they don't need you setting off twenty something triggers at once?"

Arlo stepped back, eyes wide. "... Urgh." He clicked his teeth, looking away. "I know. I know! It was my fault. I just..." He ran a hand across his face. "Every time I learn something about him, it almost seems like karma is rubbing my foolhardiness in my face even more. I was terrible to him. He may have been worse to us, but I _was_ the cause, and I plan to take responsibility for it."

Blyke clicked his tongue. "Still doesn't justify him beating the shit out of us."

Remi shook her head. "No, but there's clearly something going on underneath. What's done is done, and now all we can do is try to fix it."

Arlo closed his eyes. "Yes…"

"Guys, that's great and all, but this is a delicate situation." Isen held up his hands. "First of all: he can't know that we know all this. At least not at first. He was, maybe _is_ , really pissed off at me for digging into his past before. And, as Arlo says, he doesn't trust us."

"So, what?" Blyke cut in. "We try to be nicer to him and be done with it?"

"I… uh…" Isen stammered. 

"We need the system to change." Remi closed her eyes. "That's the root of this. The hatred, the violence."

"He… he _did_ dethrone you all, though…" Elaine muttered. "I don't know if we have the power to change things anymore."

"We can _always_ change things." Remi slammed her hand on the table again. "Even if we aren't royals, we are still the most powerful students. We need to set a better example."

"Okay, okay!" Isen held his hands up. "That's fair, but it'll take a while, if it ever works. We should try to… I don't know, keep an eye out for things that piss him off? Defuse situations? We could… we could also try talking to him. Reaching out to him, slowly." Isen scratched his cheek. "I have… something of a plan, but I have no idea how it'll go. But we might get a chance to be civil. And I'm hoping that the therapy helps things out. Maybe he'll be more willing to talk, once he's back."

"What about Sera?" 

Isen turned to Arlo, blinking in surprise. "... Shoot. I forgot. Uh… we should probably… talk to her about this. Find out how John's doing, how she's feeling about him? M… maybe if things have gotten better… she'd be a huge help, probably." Isen tapped a finger on his chin. "Come to think of it, I haven't seen her around much..."

"I'll talk to her." Arlo pushed away from the podium. 

"Tactfully?" 

Arlo glared at Isen, who raised his hands in surrender. 

"Just sayin'..." Isen mumbled.

Arlo gave an irritated sigh. "I'll let you all know how it goes."

And he left the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just kind of neutral to Isen but somehow he's really easy and convenient to write for my so I guess we get a lot of his POV
> 
> Also: I'd like to think that people are decent, it's just the system that ruins them all


	14. Intersection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Arlo talks to Sera.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO my friends I am done with finals
> 
> It is now ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*winter break *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

"Seraphina."

The aforementioned paused in her step. "Arlo. What do you want?"

"Ah, er…" Arlo swallowed, "I wanted to talk."

Seraphina turned to look at him. 

Arlo blinked, noticing the way she held her arm. It was injured. "... Are people still coming after you?" 

Seraphina narrowed her eyes at him. "Worried, are you? If this is another one of your manipulations, I don't want to hear it." She turned on her heel and started walking away.

"Wait!" He grabbed her uninjured arm. "It's… it's about John."

She stopped suddenly, and Arlo narrowly avoided running into her. "..." She pulled her arm out of his grasp. "Let's talk in the infirmary. I want to get this healed before it closes."

* * *

Arlo sat in the infirmary chair with him arms crossed, trying not to fidget. The sound of Seraphina sitting on the cot in front of him brought his gaze up—she was just finishing her tonic, waving off Darren. "Thanks, doc. I'll be fine." 

Darren sighed in irritation, stalking back to the front desk while muttering. "Kids these days… always beating others up or getting beat up! Bunch of idiots…"

Arlo could see Seraphina stifle a laugh, before her eyes fell to him. She hummed, setting the cup on the bedside table. "Well?"

Arlo straightened. Where to start…? "How… are things with you and John?"

Seraphina narrowed her eyes at him. "Why do you care? You've always been trying to drive a wedge between us."

"I…" Arlo pinched the bridge of his nose. "I can't deny that. It's my fault that he… certainly, if I had done nothing, things would have been… fine. I hurt him badly, and that was probably a catalyst for the cracks in his psyche to be revealed." Arlo looked back up at Seraphina. "After… after ruining the life he built, the least I could do is try to help him recover. It's the least anyone can do, after  _ everyone _ has made it worse."

Seraphina's eyebrows shot up. "Wow. I can't believe it. You actually  _ did _ realize what a jerk you are."

"Ugh." Arlo sighed. "I just… I don't know what kind of terms you and John are on now, but I and the other royals have decided to try to help him get better instead of worse."

"Why?" 

"Well—hm." Arlo tapped a finger on his leg. "I… I asked Isen to dig up more information on John," Seraphina twitched—angry?— "Originally because I just wanted to figure out how to handle him so he wouldn't go off the rails again."

"That I can believe," Seraphina responded flatly.

Arlo looked to the side. "Questionable morality, but I think it was necessary. We found a lot—what happened at his old school, and afterwards, he… he was…" Arlo swallowed. "Isen believes he was conditioned to hate his ability by the authorities. And by extension, himself. Whatever my views are on order and hierarchy, there's something  _ wrong _ about that." He looked back up at Seraphina.

She was twisting her hands in the fabric of the cot, an expression that flickered with shock, anger, horror, and plenty of other things he couldn't name. "What? That… that explains… a few things." 

Arlo sighed. "That it does. In any case, we thought we'd let you know, since you  _ were _ closest to him before. And depending on how things stand between you two, we hoped you might have the greatest chance of affecting him."

Seraphina's face turned considering. "... Hm." She crossed her arms, absently tapping her foot. A few seconds later, she stopped. "I'm tutoring him while he… recovers. Yesterday, we finally talked about what happened." She scoffed. "If you came to me any earlier, I don't know if we'd be having this conversation." She paused, looking away. "We're not… we're not what we were before, right now, but we're both giving friendship another chance. This time, without the lies." Seraphina pinned Arlo with an intense look. "I  _ do _ want him to improve, mentally, so I'll give you all a chance as well. To be better to him. To be better in general. And I'll ask him to do the same, seeing as I'm visiting him after class again today."

"Today?" Arlo looked at the clock. There wasn't much time until classes were over for the day. "Is that why…?" He gestured to her healing arm.

"Ah." Seraphina lifted it. "Yeah. I don't think he needs any reminding of the situation here yet. I'll head over once it's healed."

… Remi was right. This system  _ is _ terrible. Arlo frowned, gaze dropping to the floor. 

"He's doing a lot better."

Arlo lifted his head to see Seraphina watching him. "I think he's still lonely. But he's… he's slowly cracking off the shell of hurt that he's been wrapping around himself since before he came." Seraphina closed her eyes. "I want him to be happy. I want him to be  _ free _ to be happy. When… when I saw him on the street that day…" She gripped her arm. "I thought that the last words I would ever say to him would be those words of anger and hate. I thought he would die, because of what I said to him. I thought…" A tear slid down her cheek. "I thought I'd lose my best friend forever, because I didn't give him a chance." She blinked rapidly, and furiously rubbed away the wetness. Steel hardened her gaze, and she pointed a finger at Arlo. "So if I find out this is just some elaborate plot to hurt him more, there will be hell to pay."

Arlo couldn't help flinching. "I… deserve that. Noted." He stood up and brushed himself off, taking a few steps towards the exit before stopping. "I'm glad to hear he's recovering. And…" He glanced over his shoulder. Sera was still watching him. "We  _ do _ have a chance. Not just to fix the bad things, but to make things  _ better _ ." His eyes fell. "So I'm grateful that the last of him was not using my ability to push away people trying to help, either."

Seraphina made a quiet sound at that. Arlo peeked at her again—her gaze, thoughtful. 

With nothing more to say, Arlo turned away and slipped out of the infirmary. 


	15. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That day, through Sera's eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was fun :3
> 
> By the way I don't know anything about car crashes or stuff  
> Consider this a non-accurate for-pleasure rendition
> 
> Also I hope you like the art I love Intense Vibes

_"Monster."_

She wasn't sure why she said it. But she was angry, and John was... John was hiding something like _this_ from her? She couldn't resolve the kind, considerate, stubbornly positive person she thought she knew with the cruelty and brutality of his actions. 

John gave a violent flinch. His eyes seemed to glaze over, and then—he had her collar in his grip, his free hand clenched in a fist. Was he… was he going to hit her?

So be it.

Sera glared at him, meeting his rage-twisted visage. 

But as soon as they made eye contact, John blinked, and his grip slackened. The anger melted off of his face, rapidly replaced with something akin to horror. He let go of her, stepping back until he was against the wall. 

Sera furrowed her brow. That was… a strange reaction. 

John met her eyes, but they seemed to be looking at something else. He curled into himself, pressing his hands to his face. " _No, no, no…_ " His mutters were barely audible. 

"... John?" Sera took a step closer. She froze when he let out a choked gasp. 

What was this? Why was he reacting like this?

Suddenly, he pushed past her, running out the door. Though it was less like she was shoved out of the way, and more like he didn't notice her there. 

Sera stumbled back, staring after John. What just happened? She was so confused! _He_ was the one that hurt others, _he_ was the one that told all those lies, so _why_?

She needed answers. 

"John, wait!" Sera ran out of her room as well, looking back and forth. But he was nowhere in sight. 

_Where did he go?_

"Seraphina?"

Sera started at the voice, but relaxed once she realized who it was. "Elaine. Did you see John just now?"

"Ah…" Elaine hesitantly pointed down the hall, back where she was walking from. "He was running pretty fast without a care of who he ran into. I was worried that something had happened to you…"

"I'm fine." Sera waved a hand dismissively. "I called him out for being Joker, but his reaction was... odd. I'm going after him." She took a few steps to start running— 

"I'll— I'll come with you!" Sera turned back to look at Elaine. "In case he gets violent, I'm sure I can do something."

Somehow, she felt like that wouldn't be a problem. She felt uneasy about… something else. She wasn't certain what. "Sure. Come on."

Sera thought they'd have more trouble tailing him, but surprisingly, it wasn't all that difficult. He seemed to leave a trail of disgruntled and irritated students in his wake. 

They soon reached the front of campus, but he was still nowhere to be seen. Sera grabbed the nearest student. "Wh- Seraphina?! Ah, er, and Elaine?"

"Did you see John?" Sera demanded.

"What, the cripple? Yeah, he just ran out the exit." He pointed to the school's main doors. "Don't know what his rush was."

Before Sera could respond, she heard the distant sound of screeching tires, followed by a crash. Her uneasiness began to morph into panic. "Elaine…"

She looked concerned as well. "That sounded like…"

Sera was running before she finished.

And suddenly, she couldn't breathe. 

Because there was John, out in the street.

Lying in a rapidly growing pool of his own blood, the vehicle responsible splattered with the same crimson. 

The driver stepped out, a look of absolute horror on her face. "Oh my god?" She ran to John, but stopped after stepping into his blood. Probably realizing she didn't know what to do.

Sera didn't know what to do either. 

The driver spotted them, then— a number of other students had gathered to the commotion. Sera hung back in the throng. "Someone call an ambulance!"

Sera jerked as if slapped, immediately reaching for her phone, almost dropping it as she dialed the numbers with shaking hands. 

_"Wellston 9-1-1, what's your emergency?"_

"U-uhm, there's," Sera's voice shook. "There's been a car crash."

Elaine tapped her shoulder. "I… I'm sure he'll be fine." She whispered. "I'll… do what I can." Sera gave a jerky nod, and Elaine jogged over to John.

_"What's your location? Could you describe the situation?"_

"Ah, it's… Wellston Private High School, north entrance… Um… My friend, he's… losing a lot of blood. I don't know if he's conscious. I have another friend with a healing ability, she's…" Sera trailed off as John jerked violently after Elaine touched him, shoving her away.

Elaine grabbed his arm and said something, activating her ability. 

"Ah, no, he's awake…"

John tore his arm away. _"Let me be!"_ And he swung his fist towards Elaine. 

A yellow barrier instantly formed between them, catching John's strike. A crack resounded in the air, but the barrier was undamaged. _Which meant…_ John's arm slid to the side uselessly, red streaking across the yellow glow as he slumped over the barrier. 

Arlo stepped out of the growing crowd, hand raised. 

Sera's mouth was dry. "He's… He's refusing help? I don't… why…?"

_"We're sending an emergency medical unit to your location. It will be there within eight minutes. Stay on the line. We'll be there soon."_

Eight minutes? Is that enough time? 

Sera gripped her phone tightly as she watched the scene. It felt surreal. 

John shifted, his golden eyes becoming visible. His expression was blank as he looked at Arlo. And then a steely determination set into it, just as his eyes flashed with amber. 

A sense of dread spiked through Sera. All the lies and hiding, and he just…?

 _"Shit—"_ Arlo dropped his barrier, stepping back.

John collapsed on the ground, his likely-broken arm trapped under him.

And then a black shell emerged around him.

_What?_

"He… He has a barrier up? He's not… He's not letting anyone near." 

There was a commotion somewhere behind her, and then Doctor Darren shoved his was out of the crowd. He froze upon seeing the situation himself, but recovered quickly. 

_"Dammit, John, take it down!"_

Sera watched as John coughed, blood sliding out of his mouth. As the doctor yelled at him again, and Elaine stopped him from damaging the barrier. 

Sera gripped her phone, the bleakness of the situation setting in. "Damage to the barrier… causes internal damage to the user. So… There's nothing we can…" 

Dr. Darren's voice cut through her rapidly growing panic. _"—John, what about Sera?"_

Sera stiffened.

 _"What about her? She… hates me now. Just like—,"_ a cough, _"Everyone else."_

Ice poured into her veins. 

_"And your father?"_

Sera could barely hear him, but at the same time, it felt like the only thing she could hear was his voice. She was vaguely aware of the responder saying something, but didn't register what it was.

_"Tell him… I'm— sorry."_

_"Tell him yourself!"_ Dr. Darren slammed his hands on the barrier, and John curled into himself further. "I— shit! John, stay awake. I—" He spun around, spotting Sera on her phone. "Seraphina! Did you call an ambulance?"

She nodded shakily, holding her phone to him. She felt like she was going to drop it. 

The doctor took it carefully from her hand, speaking to the responder. "This is Dr. Darren, the school nurse. Yes, I think he's still conscious. He has his ability active. Yes, the barrier. We can't force our way past it without risking further damage… I don't know. What? Sir, I— … fine. You better be here by the time that happens, got it? Oh, great. Absolutely _fantastic_. Yes. His name is John Doe. Yes, I'll keep it on..."

Sera felt a tap on her shoulder. She looked up to see Dr. Darren with an expression that looked like irritation—but she could recognize it as worry. 

Oh, she was sitting on the ground. When did that happen? Her hands couldn't stop shaking.

"Seraphina?"

Sera looked back up at him. "Doc, I… I think I… I said that he was… He thinks I hate him. Is it… Is it my fault that he— doc, I don't, _why is this happening?_ "

"He's not going to die, alright? I won't let him." He kneeled in front of her, putting his hands on her shoulders. "And this isn't your fault. It's… a lot of things led up to this, but it was an accident." He paused a moment, and Sera became aware of the sound of approaching sirens. Darren made a poor attempt at a smile. "See? Help is here. Sit tight, alright? Things will be okay."

Sera could only nod weakly, turning her gaze back to where John was curled up inside his barrier. Arlo and Elaine hovered uncertainly nearby. 

Things fell into a haze. The paramedics arrived, and they rolled out a gurney.

And they waited.

As John's body grew slack. 

As the barrier flickered, before shrinking and reforming. 

Until, finally, John stopped moving and the barrier fell completely. 

After that, they flew into a flurry of activity. She was vaguely aware of someone pulling her away, leading her away from the scene. Back to the dorms, back to her room. 

"Get some rest, Sera…"

She slid into oblivion.

* * *

Sera jerked awake. 

… Ah.

Dreaming of that day, again.

She looked at the clock. Oops. School let out a while ago. Looking to the bedside table, she noticed a note. 

_Gonna be out for a bit, but I'll come back to lock down the place later. You could probably use the sleep._

_— Darren_

"Heh. Guess I did." Sera sat up, lifting her hands to look at them. 

_We_ **_do_ ** _have a chance. Not just to fix the bad things, but to make things_ **_better_** _._

Sera closed her eyes and sighed, taking out her phone to text John.

_You: Be there in few. My nap was a lot longer than I expected._

Almost instantly, John responded.

_John: No worries! I'm just uhh chilling_

Sera smiled. Guess Arlo _could_ have a point sometimes.

Slowly… things _will_ get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I've... got a lot of stuff I need to do while I'm home during break
> 
> I might drop off the grid for a while, may or may not post more chapters before then


	16. A Day Outside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sera's a good friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO   
> I haven't finished all the things I have to do but I'm popping in for a bit to post a little because I'm burning with my desire to share
> 
> And I'm counting New Years Eve as a holiday break day  
> So, happy New Year, everyone!

"So you talked to Sera, huh?"

_ "Ah… Did she come by?" _

"Yeah. Yesterday."

_ "That's… Sooner than I expected. How… how did things go?" _

John blinked, exhaling into his hand. "... Pretty well, I think. We're… we're going to try again. And this time, I won't keep anything from her. I… I'm still scared. But I'm going to try to face the things I tried so hard to bury before." 

_ "That's really good to hear! I'm happy for you." _

John laughed breathily. "Thanks. It's a little embarrassing, but I kinda broke down when I realized she was giving me a chance? I mean, I think I cried into shoulder for… a while. I don't think I've ever cried that much. But… I guess it was nice to let it all out."

_ "... I'm… glad you got a chance to let down your walls. I hope you can continue to be honest with her—I want things to go well with you two. She’s a good one.” _

John let out a half-scoff, chuckle. “Yeah. Actually, she said she's coming again today. Not sure what we'll do. We finished the homework yesterday."

_ "... When's the last time you went outside?" _

"—Uh." John scratched his head. "Four days ago?"

"When you saw Selen?"

"Yeeeaaaah."

John's dad sighed.  _ "Stop being such a shut-in! When she comes by, you two go out and have some fun around town, got it?" _

"Erk…" John leaned back. Part of him still wanted to stay inside.

Where it was safe. 

But… "Alright, fine! I'll ask."

_ "Perfect!"  _ John heard some shuffling over the call.  _ "I've gotta go now, but have fun, alright? And stay safe." _

John rolled his eyes. "Sure, dad. Thanks. Later."

"Bye, love you!"

"Love you too…" John grumbled.

He heard a bit of a chuckle, and then the call cut off. 

John lowered the lid of his laptop before leaning back and closing his eyes. Classes should have let out a while ago—what was Sera up to?

His phone buzzed, and he lifted it up.

_ Sera: Be there in few. My nap was a lot longer than I expected. _

Speak of the devil, huh? John snorted. And of course she was napping.  _ Genius privileges, I swear… _

He quickly typed out a reply. 

_ You: No worries! I'm just uhh chilling _

That done, he stretched over the back of his chair. It was about a ten-minute walk from campus to his apartment, so he should probably find something to do other than twiddle his thumbs. 

John slid out of his chair, sighing. There wasn't all that much to do in that time, though. He flopped onto his bed, pulling an arm over his face.

He was… a little anxious. Alright, maybe more than a little. He still didn't know how to be honest with himself, let alone with Sera. And he… he hasn't been thinking about the school drama. But he's pretty sure that if he was put into the situation again, he'd be consumed by his monstrosity once more. 

_ But… that was without Sera. Maybe she can… _

_ I don't want to expose her to this side of me. _

_ But she's already seen it, and she says she wants to face it head-on… _

_ What if she can't stop me? What if I hurt  _ **_her_ ** _? I almost did… I almost did.  _ The memory made him a little nauseous, still. 

_ But I didn't. _

John lowered his arm, blinking blearily at the ceiling. 

_ I didn't, so maybe… _

_ Maybe I… _

A knock startled him violently out of his thoughts, hand flying to his chest. Oh! Right. Sera. Has that much time passed already?

"Coming!" He shot out of bed—so quickly that his head spun for a moment—and made his way to the door, opening it. 

And there was Sera. She was dressed casually; did she change before coming? John gave a wave. "Hey, Sera. Come on in."

Sera nodded. "Hey, John." Just as she was toeing her shoes off, John hummed, and she paused, raising an eyebrow at him. 

"Oh, uh…" John rubbed the back of his neck. "Do you want to go around town today? I haven't been… Outside… for a while."

Her eyebrows shot up. "... Sure. But let me use your bathroom first, at least."

* * *

The two of them walked in silence, for the most part. Sera noticed John flick his eyes around every now and then. He looked jumpy.

"What did you last go outside for?" John started at her voice, but his face quickly smoothed over. Another moment, after processing what she asked, and his mouth twisted as he looked away. 

Nervous? Sera held up a hand. "If you don't want to tell me, that's fine—"

"No, I—" he shrugged, eyes falling to the pavement. "It was for therapy. The headmaster wanted me to talk to a professional about my... issues... before I go back to campus."

"Did it help?"

John looked up at her, mild surprise visible on his features. Sera met his searching gaze coolly. 

A few seconds passed, and he smiled. "Yeah. There's still... A lot to go through." He turned his head to the sky. "So far, it's mostly been about... my self worth, I guess. And dealing with the stuff that happened in the past."

Sera gripped her bag tightly. Right. The conditioning and all that led up to it, huh.

John pressed on, not noticing her reaction. "We haven't touched on my, well, violent tendencies, much." Something dark passed into his eyes. "I would do it again. I know I would." He breathed out and pressed a hand to his face. "When I'm like that... I can't stop."

"Not if I have anything to say about it." Sera put a hand on his shoulder, firmly. He stiffened slightly, meeting her eyes. "Talk to me. I'll help you." She paused. "I... I don't know much about anger management and mental health. But I'll learn. So before you rip into someone, come find me."

John's mouth was agape. He seemed to realize this, snapping it shut. "You have so much faith in me."

Sera hummed. "We're all just doing the best we can do. And that's all we can do." 

John smiled, though it looked a little pained. He slid her hand off his shoulder, looking to the side—and his eyes brightened. "Hey, wanna go get some boba? Woaba's right there," he pointed behind her.

Sera knew a subject change when she saw one. "... Alright, why not. Let's go, then."

* * *

They quickly got themselves situated with their typical orders, sitting across from each other. John sipped at his drink, head propped up on the table with one arm.

He glanced at Sera, and back to his drink. "So, uh... How's school been?"

Sera stiffened minutely. She hoped he wouldn't ask.

John straightened, and he looked at her sharply. "Sera?"

"Classes have been fine," she replied lightly. "I still skip a lot but I'm doing well."

"Well, I guess that's pretty typical. I'd hoped you wouldn't be... too affected by... what happened." 

_ More than you know,  _ Sera thought.

"But," he leaned forward. "The other students?"

Sera sighed heavily. "I can't very well lie to you about this after I told you to be honest with me, huh?" She ran a hand through her bangs. "Yes, on occasion, some students still take out their frustration on me."

**"Who?"** Sera looked at John. One hand was tightly gripping the table, the other clenched atop it. His eyes glinted with a madness.  **"Who attacked you?"**

Now that she was aware of it, she could see the drastic shift in his demeanor. It was startling, how much he changed in a single moment.

But now that this side of him was out, she wasn't sure how to deal with it. 

Okay. Deep breath. She reached for John's hand where it was clenched on the table, coaxing it open.

"John," she spoke softly, "Look. The last thing I want you to do is hurt someone for my sake. I mean, it'd be great if you didn't hurt people at all. But, if you're going to do something for me, I... when you... when you go too far… they're not the only ones hurt. From what I can tell, you're hurt as well. Maybe not at that moment. But later. And me..." Sera looked up. "I know you can be better. It hurts me to see you like that, too."

John's hand curled around her fingers, the grip hesitant. Sera looked up. John's expression was... raw. She didn't know how else to describe it. 

"I... I don't..." He lifted his free hand to press at his face. "Why is this so complicated?" He choked out a laugh. "I do nothing, and you’re hurt. I follow my urges and everyone gets hurt." A sigh. "The vindictive part of me wants to share the pain. But... I..."

"Who says you have to do nothing?" 

John blinked. 

"Violence isn't always the answer to everything. There has to be another way to stop them." Sera gives a dry scoff. "And to stop you. You know, if you go beat up everyone you have a problem with, you’re no better than them."

John flinched harshly, jerking his hand out of Sera's. "I know that."

"Hey! Hey." Sera put a hand on his wrist. "Listen to me."

John huffed, avoiding eye contact.

"You  _ can _ be better. If you can't trust yourself, then trust me. And I trust you, at least, to at least try not to hurt me." Sera smiled. "In your worst moment, you still didn't hit me. So you're fine. Or you will be."

John watched her, a darkness in his face, before closing his eyes, the slump in his shoulders belying a bone-deep exhaustion. "I trust you."

"Good." Sera gave John's wrist a firm squeeze before pulling back. Sera turned back to her drink, taking a few sips as she contemplated her next words. "You know… what I was saying earlier. About there being another option. The former Royals are trying to improve all the… disparity issues on campus."

"Oh… really." John replied flatly. 

Sera shrugged. "I can't say they're doing it well, but I've noticed that they've been trying to defuse more situations, at least."

John sat back in his seat. "Hmm."

Sera took a deep breath, letting it out before she looked up at John. "Your… incident… was pretty jarring for all of us. Maybe you really have opened their eyes. But they're trying, so maybe, for once, you could give them the benefit of the doubt? Maybe they really can make a difference. And maybe," Sera shrugged, "if you give them a hand, you all can really change the way the social structure at school works."

"I…" John grimaced. "I don't really want anything to do with them." He ran a hand across his face. "I don't… I don't know if...." He pulled his hand down, revealing his eyes, "I… we’ll see. I’ll keep that in mind, I guess. If you think they have a chance, I'll try to stay out of their way, at least."

Sera sighed. "I guess that's all I can ask of you for now. But the  _ real _ issue for all the problems we've faced is the social hierarchy and obsession with power, isn't it? If you really want to fix things—"

"I know," he bit out. "I just. I don't know if I  _ can _ , or if I'll just make it  _ worse _ . Better I stay away until I can actually control myself."

"... Fine." Sera hummed. "When do you think you'll head back to campus?"

"Huh? Uh.." John blinked, thrown by the change in topic. "I'm... not sure. Maybe soon? I'll… talk to my therapist about it."

Sera nodded. "Fair enough. But you have to go back anyways, and I doubt it'll be easy whether it's sooner or later."

John hummed. "That's true. Can't hide forever, I guess." He pulled his mouth wider in something not exactly a smile. "I'll see… the next week or two, maybe?"

Sera nodded. She shook herself, then, and waved a hand. "Alright, that's enough of that. Let's talk about less stressful things. Played any of the games I've recommended to you before?"

John blinked, pausing for a moment. Then, he grinned. "Heh, glad you asked! You see…"

They quickly fell into a heated discussion about the merits of aluminum in Angry Pigs. John was still a little stiff and jumpy at first. But soon, the darkness was chased from his face, and the tension bled from his shoulders. 

And if she looked closely, she could see the gratefulness in his eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: HOLD HANDS  
> Me:  
> Me: PLATONICALLY


	17. Session 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end of another week.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings, everyone, and happy new decade!
> 
> I'm not actually done with all my work, but complete cutoff hasn't been working well for me, so I'm (kind of) back! I'm still restricting my time, but I'm allowing myself some more freedom, now.

TRANSCRIPT OF SESSION 3

AURIN SELEN AND JOHN DOE 

XX/XX/201X, 3:00 PM

Selen: Hello, John! 

John: Hey.

Selen: So, how have things been going for you?

John: Uh… heh. Well. A lot's happened in the last week. More than in the two weeks before combined, probably.

Selen: Would you like to tell me about it?

John: Yeah, sure. So, I… I talked to Sera. Told her about how I felt, what happened in the past, tried to explain why I did what I did… and she listened. The… The next day, she gave me her verdict. Maybe she hadn't forgiven me for all the lying. But she, and I, want to try to be friends again. Without… without all the lies. 

Selen: How long has it been since then?

John: Three days. She's been coming by every day since then—I mean, that's just yesterday and the day before, but still. It's… It's really nice having her around again. I'd already accepted my fate of losing my only friend. But now she… she wants to try helping me with my… issues. The violent ones. She wants to support me, and I… I'm kind of daunted by how much faith she has in my improvement. I've sent people to the hospital without batting an eye. And… with the same situation, I'd probably do it again.

Selen: Ah, yes. I'm glad to hear—it's crucial for you to have support in order to improve. And yes: I believe anyone can become better. But first, you must _want_ to. Then, you must believe you _can_.

John: I do! Want to, I mean. I just… ugh. You know, people are still beating up Sera. The thought of it… The feeling just _consumes_ me, and suddenly, I wa **nt n** ot **hing mor** e **than to beat them into the dirt like the trash they are.**

Selen: Ah… I see. For now, take a few deep breaths for me. You aren't there. She's safe right now, it's the weekend. 

John: **I** … ah. R-right. 

Selen: Hmm… From what I can tell, you experience drastic mood and personality shifts when faced with certain situations. Though… hmm. Have ever experienced gaps in your memory? Have you ever done things without remembering the act?

John: Uh… don't think so. Pretty sure I don't have dissociative identities, if that's what you're wondering. It's all me, I just. Have different mindsets? I dunno. 

Selen: I see, I see… 

John: They've been bleeding into each other, too… I mean, well. Maybe that's better? Instead of ricocheting back and forth.

Selen: Perhaps. If your "calm" mindset requires a large repression of who you really are. For that matter, I don't think your "angry" mindset is what defines you, either. If you bottle up your emotions, it's inevitable that something's going to snap.

John: … That makes sense, yeah. I mean, I'm trying to be more transparent with Sera, so there's that…

Selen: Yes, that's an excellent opportunity for you. Someone to open up with—not necessarily for everything, but for the things that matter. 

John: Yeah… 

Selen: As for dealing with your episodes… hmm. I wasn't sure if I should offer this to you, considering your previous experience with mental abilities.

John: … What is it?

Selen: Ah, well. My ability is registered as "Mindscape." I can create a shared mental landscape between me and one other person—one that I have dominant control over, but I am capable of letting others take the reins of. Within, we are completely unable to physically harm each other. I found that is has been useful in walking through situations, be them in the past or theoretical ones. It is a completely safe space to learn how to manage your reactions. However, it's very much a "gets worse before it gets better" situation. Many of my patients have used it to walk through triggering and traumatic events. To face them and find closure, yes, but it isn't easy. I can immediately terminate the scene if that becomes necessary, but even so. I don't wish to tread in your mind if you do not wish it.

John: Oh, uh… yeah, that's… hmm.

Selen: You don't have to decide now. But all the preparation is mental, so if there is any session you wish to make use of my ability, do let me know. 

John: I'll… think about it. I was thinking of heading back to campus, soon. It'd probably better to be prepared. 

Selen: Certainly. 

John: I… hmm. Can you… can we do something small? Just to… see how your ability works.

Selen: Of course. Just so you know, I'm capable of making this experience entirely internal, but for the sake of record-keeping, I'll make it so that our speech is reflected in the real world. I'll also leave you some awareness of the physical world.

John: Oh, okay.

Selen: Ready?... Alright. Look into my eyes, please. 

_There is a faint sound of surprise from John._

Selen: Tell me what you see.

John: It's a completely white space, except for you and me. I'm sitting in this bean bag, and you're on your couch thing.

Selen: Excellent. Can you move?

John: Yeah, it's— wow, this is weird. I'm moving in here, but I can feel that I haven't physically? Except I can also move physically, separately, and— that's wild.

Selen: Heh, yes, it can be a little strange. If you'd like, I can remove that.

John: Uh… Next time, maybe. 

Selen: Of course. And there's no need to continue using it, if you find it uncomfortable.

John: It's… fine, so far?

Selen: Ah, but we have barely done anything! I will cede control to you, and this world will begin to reflect your mind. Think of a not-stressful memory if you can, and we shall find ourselves there.

John: Right… I guess… Yesterday, maybe? 

Selen: Ah, is this Sera?

John: Yeah… 

_They lapse into silence for a few moments, watching the memory._

John: We worked on the homework for a bit, and then just kinda hung around and did whatever. But— wow, this looks… so real, even though I know it's just a memory… 

Selen: Yes… which can be both a blessing and a curse, at times. 

John: Yeah… 

Selen: I'll stop it here for now. 

John: Sure…

_A few seconds pass, and there is the sound of shifting as the two readjust to the real world._

Selen: I hope that wasn't too bad. If you're up to it, we can delve into some scenarios to prepare you for going back to campus, next time. 

John: I… yeah, that'd be good, I think.

Selen: Excellent. You mentioned wanting to go back to campus soon? 

John: Yeah. I can't hide forever, and I guess I'm… getting kinda jumpy? Antsy? It's not like I have any other friends there, but I dunno. 

Selen: Hmm, indeed. If you're in a hurry, we can schedule another session sooner, instead of waiting another week? 

John: Uh… can I do that?

Selen: Certainly. Perhaps on Monday, same time?

John: Yeah, that'd give me a few days to… yeah, that sounds good. 

Selen: Excellent. Anything else you'd like you touch on today?

John: Nah, not really. 

Selen: Very well. Then, until next time!

John: Yeah, see you.


	18. Session 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John faces a few things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was definitely longer than usual, but I just gotta go with the flow and if the flow decrees continuation, it must be so
> 
> also DOUBLE UPDATE because I felt a little Hmm at doing two sessions in a row, but I wanted to progress the plot
> 
> disclaimer reminder: I am not a qualified therapist

John fidgeted in his seat. 

He was waiting in the lobby of Selen's practice—in a few minutes, they'd come by to take him to their office. 

And then they'd try to prepare him for the inevitable… triggers… that would crop up once he went to campus.

He was nervous. For a number of reasons. The fact that they'd be in his head made him antsy, but the whole thing felt pretty safe, compared to what happened with Keon. No, he was mostly worried about how he might react. And if he'd be able to get his reactions under control. Previous evidence suggests his inability to, but… 

Wanting to change counts for something, doesn't it?

"John?"

He looked up, seeing Selen's familiar face coming through the door. They smiled, and beckoned him forward. "Shall we?" 

The two of them walked through the door into the hall, continuing down the path until they reached Selen's office. They opened the door, letting John in first. 

The office was rather large—there was a large mahogany desk, a number of chairs, beanbags, and sofas, in addition to decorative plants in various corners and lining the large shaded window overlooking a lake. Selen had assured him that no one could see inside, unless they were plastered to the window, which would be quite a feat to accomplish without notice. 

It was raining lightly, he noted. It must have started while he was in the lobby. The soft pitter-patter was calming.

He gravitated to the bean bag he usually sat in, sinking into the cushion. 

Selen followed him in, closing the door behind them, and then taking the sofa-chair across from him. 

John gave an awkward wave. "Hey."

"Hello! How are you today?"

John huffed. "A little nervous, I guess. But hopeful for how things will go?"

Selen smiled lightly. "Fair enough. Do you want to tell me about anything that's happened in the past few days, or would you like to delve right into the mindscape?"

John hummed. "There's not much to talk about. Sera came by again, we hung out, did homework, played games. We read a bit about anger management? We're trying to figure out what we can do." He closed his eyes, exhaling out. "I… I'm really lucky to have her. After everything that's happened."

"She sounds like a dedicated friend." John looked up at Selen. Their face was a gentle neutrality, as always. 

"I… " John sighed. "Yeah. Anyways," he straightened, "Can we do the… the mindscape thing?"

Selen nodded. "Yes, of course. It'll be a deeper immersion today, if that's alright. If, at any point, it becomes too much for you, please let me know or just say 'terminate.'"

That made sense. "Yeah," John responded. "Got it."

His therapist smiled, before gesturing to their face. "Then, please look into my eyes."

He did as he was told, and, with a flash of silver, his surroundings melted away into a complete white blankness, save for him, Selen, and their seats. 

The emptiness was a little disorienting, though.

"Ah." Selen looked a little sheepish. "Sorry about that. I keep a tight control on my mental state, so it typically manifests as this. In any case, it will soon change."

"Right." John looked around, even though there was really no point. "So… how do we do this?"

Selen hummed. "Let's start simple. What's a recent situation that called forward your 'angry' mentality?"

Recent? That might be… 

The surroundings shifted as he thought back to his conversation with Sera about a week ago.

Sunlight streamed through the windows of Woaba Boba, casting the memory of him and Sera in a golden glow. 

A sigh from memory-Sera.  _ "I can't very well lie to you about this after I told you to be honest with me, huh? Yes, on occasion, some students still take out their frustration on me." _

John watched as his memory self tensed, drawing up with a bleeding fire in his eyes.  _**"Who? Who attacked you?"** _

"At that time," John muttered, "I wanted to hurt whoever had dared to attack her. I couldn't think beyond that."

Selen watched the scene, expression neutral. "I see…"

The memory played out as it had before. 

"She's been really understanding," John muttered. I don't really… I can't believe she'd have so much faith in me."

"I suspect it's because the two of you have spent so much time together. Despite the mask you've worn, she believes the good in you isn't a lie."

"Isn't it?" The scene warped, and suddenly, they floated in a different memory. 

A black beam tinged with amber shot past them, followed by a cry of pain.

**_"Should've stayed in your lane."_ **

John watched impassively as his memory-self tore into Isen and Blyke. 

"This is what I truly am…"

"Stop."

The scene froze, melting back into the blank whiteness. There was a brief sensation of freefall, before both he and Selen landed back in their seats. John snapped his eyes to his therapist, who pinned him with a firm gaze. "This is not what defines you. You acted this way, yes, but it was the result of long-term repression in the face of physical and mental pain. Is that incorrect?"

"I…" John swallowed. "No, you're right."

Selen hummed. "Now, if you're willing to continue, could you show me the events that led up to this?"

John made a noise of assent in his throat. "I'm… I'm good. Let's continue."

With a nod, they gestured to him, and—now that he was paying attention to it—he could feel the cession of control to him.

"If it helps," Selen said softly, "backwards chronology is most natural for most."

"Right," John muttered.

Colors bloomed across the landscape, coalescing into a classroom. 

_ "You had no reason to go that far." _

The form of Arlo emerged in the bloom, followed by John's own. 

**_"I had every reason."_ **

"This was when I had enough, I guess." John spoke over the past conversation. "When I committed to destroying everything."

_ "You're a high-tier! So act like one!" _

"l can't stand him." John gripped his hands tightly. 

**_"I just wanted a calm life, away from all the rankings! Things were fine until you came along… and crushed everything I built for the past two years."_ **

**"Fucking obsessed with the hierarchy."** John bit out.  **"Him and everyone else!"**

The scene distorted, flashing with different memories. 

Zeke, beating him up when he was moving in. Arlo slamming him against a locker, calling him a coward. The students who'd kidnapped Sera, his friend crying in the infirmary. Why? Everything hurt. 

And then— 

_ "I had no intention of ever being your friend. In fact, I quite despise you." _

He was held down by Arlo's goons, the jerk himself standing before him in the memory. 

"That was when the cracks… I wouldn't say that's when they started. But maybe that's when they started growing faster and faster, more quickly than I could patch the damage." John watched as his past self was held down and abused. "That's when I realized that everyone was just as bad as  _ I _ was when I was king of New Bostin."

**_"ARLO!!"_ **

John sighed. "I guess it was inevitable I'd shatter."

The scene melted away just as the memory turned to violence. John peered at Selen, who watched with a contemplative expression as the colors faded to white. 

They hummed thoughtfully. "As far as I can tell, your violent episodes are in response to or in fear of you or your friend being harmed, physically and mentally. And… yes. What drives others to inflict pain on you does seem to be the mentality and environment at school." 

Selen tapped the edge of their seat once. "John, I'm aware that your view of your power is… not great. However, you  _ do _ have power, and I believe you could use it in a way to prevent harm to you and your friend, rather than perpetuate it." 

John dug his fingers into his arms. "I…" He bit his lip. "Every time I've used my ability, it was to harm. How could I possibly…" He trailed off, and Selen brought a hand to their chin. 

"The possibilities are endless, John." They waved a hand, and the scene changed to the memory of Zeke finding him and Sera, before he beat them up, before Arlo called him out. 

But instead of Zeke slamming him into the lockers like last time, he caught his attacker's fist—eyes flashing amber, skin turning black with Zeke's defensive form. John's heart rate picked up. This… this was… 

"First: you can defend yourself without harming others." John looked back at Selen, who was watching him calmly. "In the face of aggression, you can certainly apprehend your attackers with minimal injury."

John watched as his apparition swept Zeke's feet from under him and brought him into a restraining hold. "In doing so," Selen continued, "You can avoid extensive injury to all parties. Particularly you and your friend."

Selen sighed. "Resolving the real issue of the environment wouldn't be easy. But even so… You can use your power without participating in the politics. You can intimidate without harm—at least, it would be better than sending other students to the hospital."

In the scene, John let go of Zeke, stepping back but still watching the offender like a hawk, amber in his eyes. 

"You have enough power to make changes. And I believe they could be positive ones."

Zeke scoffed and walked away, and the scene faded to white once more.

John bit his lip. "I don't…"

"I won't say it'll be easy." Selen closed their eyes for a moment. "But you have a chance to make things better for you, your friend, and possibly everyone else." 

"I just…" John breathed out through his teeth. "Every time I use my ability, I hate it. I'm… I'm  _ scared _ of it. Because it corrupted me. I can't… I can't hold back. What you showed me? I never… I always go too far. If it got bad enough for me to use my power, I wouldn't have stopped there."

"'Bad enough to use your power.' John… I would suggest that you try to acclimate yourself to the idea of using your ability. You are able to copy abilities, yes?"

"... Yeah, more or less. 'Aura Manipulation.'" 

"I see…" Selen hummed. "If you like, try using it on me. I suspect the only change in the situation would be that you would gain stronger influence over the mindscape."

John blinked. "... Uh." 

"As I've mentioned before. Holding yourself back, repressing yourself, will inevitably lead to an explosive outcome. If you accustom yourself to the idea that your ability is no more than just that— _ your ability _ —then you can learn how to work with it, adjust to its existence, live your life without rejecting a part of yourself."

He turned away, groaning in frustration. "I can't  _ do _ that! It's not that easy! I can't just  _ decide _ —I think about using my ability and I remember all the people I've hurt."

"Which is why," Selen hedged firmly, "I suggest that you get used to the idea of using it out of the context of violence. The association is too powerful because you've tried to cut off your ability and isolate it with those memories. But past events need not define you. You can grow beyond them. You can learn." 

John clicked his tongue. Logically, he agreed with what they were saying, but the  _ fear-guilt-anger-pain  _ that rose up his throat every time he called on his ability was  _ suffocating _ . He looked at his hands. Could he really move past the violence? Could he really be a better person?

He wanted to. For Sera. For his dad. For himself, too, really. But the doubtful voice was insidious, whispering constantly into his ears. 

John raised his head to see Selen watching, waiting patiently. He sighed, closing his eyes. Might as well start today. He called upon his ability, the familiar sensation making his veins burn with anxiety. 

Selen's aura was calm—it felt as though it was wrapped around them infinitely, though more concentrated at the source. Which made sense, considering that they were in their mindscape. John molded his aura to reflect theirs, and when he opened his eyes, the white space had changed. To some extent. The two of them were in the same seats, but on what looked like a generic school roof. The sky, however, was still a blank white. 

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Selen's voice drew John's gaze back to his therapist. "How are you feeling?"

John sunk into his bean bag. "... Alright, I guess." He looked at his hands again. Everyone was fine. No one's hurt. 

"That's good to hear," they smiled as they spoke. "It's convenient that your ability isn't necessarily flashy. What you  _ could _ do is copy any abilities you see without using them, just wear away at the association of your ability with violence." Selen tilted their head. "Are you able to dim the glowing of your eyes? Then people don't even need to be aware of your use of it."

"... Uh. Yeah, I… it's easier if I'm not using any of my copied abilities?" John reined in his aura, the school roof consumed by white as he deactivated Mindscape. 

Selen peered at him curiously. "Fascinating. Then, will you try it?"

John opened his mouth, indecision warring within him. A few seconds later, he nodded. "I'll try. I've got nothing to lose, anyway."

"Excellent." Selen's smile grew wider. "I think that's all for today, then?"

"Guess so."

Selen nodded, and closed their eyes.

The next moment, John was blinking his eyes open at the ceiling of Selen's office.

He heard a chuckle, and sat up to see Selen doing the same, adjusting their glasses. "I used to kind-of-knock people out when I started using my ability, as well. Should have expected that. At least our bodies got a nice nap, even if our minds did not."

John raised an eyebrow, and then shrugged, getting up and stretching. "I'll see you on Saturday?"

"Certainly," Selen nodded. "Will you return to campus before then?"

John hummed, fingering the edge of his sleeve. "Probably. Hopefully it doesn't undo all your hard work."

" _ Your _ hard work, John. In any case, remember that it often gets worse before it gets better."

"I… right. See you, then."

"See you, and good luck."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you all enjoyed the mental shenanigans  
> I partially chose Selen's ability because I thought it would be more interesting to the story


	19. Back to School

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John returns to Wellston.

Today was the day.

He'd told Sera, his dad, and the headmaster that he was going to come back sometime this week, but didn't say when. 

In other words.

No one knew he was on campus right now. 

John looked up at the school entrance. Uneasiness bubbled within him, and he was tempted to turn back, but—no, no. Enough of running away. He approached the doors, and slipped inside. 

No one noticed him at first in the morning rush, students grabbing things from their lockers and running to class.

It didn't take long for someone to notice him, though, and a momentary hush followed by an explosion of whispers began trailing him as he made his way to class. 

He ignored them, blotting them out with the noise in his own head. He walked faster, eventually making it to his classroom and quickly taking his seat.

There was a sharp intake of breath, and John looked to the left to see Remi right next to him. Her expression was—surprised? Conflicted? He wasn't entirely sure. _"John?"_ Her eyes scanned over him, assessing. "You didn't do your hair—?" Her mumble was cut off by the ringing of the bell, as were the rest of the whispers that were starting to crop up.

The teacher took the podium, eyes flickering with surprise as they landed on John, but promptly began the class with no further comment.

In minutes, John settled back into his haze of academic confusion.

* * *

**_Group Chat: Arlo, You, Blyke, Isen, Elaine_ **

_9:02 am_

_You: GUYS JOHN IS BACK HE'S RIGHT NEXT TO ME_

_Isen: oh shit_

* * *

It was inevitable that something would go wrong. Of course, in all his stress and the incident and trying to get over his trauma and anger issues, he forgot something. 

Something pretty big, at that.

"Oh my god, is that the cripple? I haven't seen him in, like, a month! I thought he finally dropped out."

"You idiot, haven't you heard? He got into a car crash and used an ability. And not just any ability. _Arlo's ability_. He copied it."

"What? Wait, you mean like…"

"He's the Joker. Everyone knows that! I thought he might have been expelled, though…"

"What? What if he comes after—oh, fffugde, he's looking at us—"

John had stopped walking. 

Everyone knew he was Joker. The realization crashed into him like a ton of bricks. Or maybe like a car.

_"He doesn't deserve his power."_

_"He's a tyrant."_

_"_ **_Monster_ ** _."_

**_Shut up shut up shut up you don't know anything you don't know anything about me—_ **

He didn't realize what he was doing until he had the collar of one of the students in his grip. His ability was activated. He didn't remember doing that, either. The student's face was full of raw terror.

_"You know, if you go beat up everyone you have a problem with, you’re no better than them."_

John let go of the student's collar as if it were hot iron. He took a few steps back, blinking, before mumbling what might have been an apology and speeding off.

He wasn't paying attention to where he was going. He wanted somewhere empty. Everything was too _loud_.

"—n? John, can you hear me? Listen to my voice. Can I—?" John was vaguely aware of a hand reaching for his shoulder, but he slapped it away.

 **"Don't—don't touch me."**

"Alright. Alright. I'm just going to…" 

There was the sound of a few taps that broke through his haze, and then: "Sera. Could you come to the roof? Did you know John was coming back today? Ah. Well. It looks like he's having a… Panic attack. No! It wasn't me this time, alright? I just found him like this." A beep, and a sigh.

"John, follow my breathing. You're going to pass out at this rate. In… and out. In…"

Slowly, John managed to get his breathing under control, and he took stock of his situation. He was curled up, sitting on some wall. His arms were crossed over his legs, head lowered onto them. He seemed to be on the roof. He looked up, and froze.

" _Arlo?_ What the hell?"

The former King of Wellston was kneeling in front of him, phone in hand. His face was twisted in what might have been concern, but that was impossible. 

John stood up suddenly, ignoring the way his head spun. He grabbed the fence for support. "What do you want this time, Arlo? I'm not going to go beating up everyone anymore. Haven't you had enough fun messing with my head?"

Arlo gave an insufferable sigh. "I'm just trying to help—"

 **"Do you really expect me to believe that?"**

Arlo flinched. 

John straightened. "Leave me and Sera alone, and I won't be a bother."

"I heard you almost attacked a student right before I found you."

This time, John was the one who recoiled. "I didn't intend to. I don't want to, I—" John hissed through his teeth. "Look." He looked Arlo in the eye. "I'm trying to get better. I'm sorry for beating you up—and Remi, and Isen, and Blyke. I wasn't… in control. But you still hurt me, and I don't need that happening again while I'm having enough trouble dealing with myself."

Arlo looked completely thrown. Before he could formulate a response, the door to the roof slammed open. 

"John!"

John wasn't sure if he should be relieved or afraid.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming back _today_?" Sera hissed. She grabbed his arm, pulling him back towards the stairs. He noticed her looking back at Arlo, but couldn't see her expression before she turned back. "Come on, let's find somewhere we can talk." 

John nodded, sparing a glance back at Arlo, who still hadn't moved. As the door closed, he couldn't help but think that he'd never seen the jerk look so contemplative.

— 

**_Group Chat: You, Remi, Blyke, Isen, Elaine_ **

_12:11 pm_

_You: John had a panic attack on the roof. I helped him through it, but he's quite clearly still very angry with me, and doesn't trust me a bit._

_You: I must say that I didn't expect him to apologize for injuring all of us, though._

_Isen: holy shit_

* * *

"John, are you alright?"

Sera had brought both of them to an empty classroom, managing to avoid most of the crowd. 

"I'm—"

"If you say 'I'm fine' I'm going to punch you."

"I'm… okay?" 

Sera narrowed her eyes at him.

John raised his hands. "I'm fine now! It was just earlier. Just. Give me a second." He breathed deeply. Honesty. Right. "I'd, uh…" John looked to the side. "It slipped my mind that I'd revealed I was Joker to the entire school. All the… whispering reminded me of when I was in New Bostin." He sighed heavily. "I heard these two talking about me, and I lost myself for a moment. I didn't actually harm them, but I… I came close."

Sera didn't move for a moment—and then darted in for a hug, wrapping her arms around him. John jerked in surprise. 

"John. I'm _here_ for you. You shouldn't have to face this alone."

"I… just…" Didn't want to be a bother. Still didn't want her to see how he'd respond to being back at school. Didn't want to hurt her.

But still… "Thanks, Sera." He wrapped his arms around her, as well. 

They stood in silence for a bit, before John spoke. "I stopped when I thought of what you said. That I'd be no better than the people I hated if I attacked everyone I had beef with." 

Sera pulled back, fixing him with an assessing look. John let her go, rubbing his neck. "I was… at that time, I guess I was afraid of a bunch of things. Myself. Hurting that student. Disappointing you. That everything was pointless, and my nature couldn't be changed."

Sera closed her eyes. "I don't expect to you become immediately perfect or anything. Perfection is pointless, anyway. But you stopped yourself, didn't you?"

"I… yes…"

"Then that counts for something." Sera smiled at him. "You're trying, John, and I won't be disappointed so long as you do so."

John held a hand to his face. "Why do you have so much faith in me?"

The next thing Sera said suffused him with enough warmth to last the rest of the day.

"We're friends, aren't we?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Healing takes time :')
> 
> You know, one of the first scenes I thought of was a very repentant Arlo helping John through a panic attack, with the latter being very unnerved and suspicious of that  
> It just... took... a lot of plot to get to this point


	20. One Step Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isen acts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long! Between worrying about college stuff and working on my other projects, I've lost a lot of motivation to write :')
> 
> Not to mention that I'm weaning myself off of FastPass - in other words, it's been about three weeks since I've read any new content skdjhsdghds

Isen was a pure bundle of nerves. There was no other way to describe it. 

He's been waiting for John to come back for a while, but now that he has… well.

On the  _ first day _ , John had almost attacked someone, had a panic attack instead, and apologized to Arlo? Well, he still hated the guy, but he  _ apologized _ . 

… But he probably still isn't pleased with Isen, either. 

And if he ever found out how much  _ Isen _ found out about him…

_ He _ might be the one with the next near-death experience.

But! He had a plan! Maybe it would help John loosen up a bit. That'd be good for everyone. 

If it worked. 

John didn't trust anyone besides Sera, and Isen… couldn't really blame him. 

Which is why Isen still hasn't worked up the nerve to approach the guy, even as the end of the week was approaching. 

It looked like he wouldn't have much of a choice now, though. 

"Hey, cripple! Or is it Joker? Aren't you going to fight back? Or are you too much of a  _ coward _ to fight without a mask?"

John's face was forcefully blank as three students bracketed him in the middle of the hall. "I need to get to class. Please move." 

One of the students snorted. "Why don't you make me,  _ King _ ?"

"No. I've had enough. Please leave." John tried to step around one of the students, but they grabbed his shoulder and shoved him to the wall. He gave a soft grunt of pain as his head bent over, a shadow obscuring his eyes.

"Aww, are you playing cripple again? Then why don't you let one of us be King, if you're so eager to step away from the position?" The student's eyes flashed, and his hand started to hum with energy. 

Isen chose this moment to interfere, activating his ability and kicking Glowy Hand to the other wall.  _ "You idiots have no idea what you're doing," _ he hissed.

"Isen? What the hell are you—"

Isen leveled a glare at the other students, shutting them up before turning to John. "Hey, uh…"

The surprise in John's face was quickly washed over with distrust. "Leave me alone, Isen. I've had enough of all your…" he grimaced, "shenanigans." 

John pushed past him, but Isen grabbed an arm to stop him. "Wait—" 

**"Let go of me."**

Isen did so immediately. "Agh, sorry! Just. Can we talk for a sec?"

John glared balefully at him. A few seconds passed, and he raised an eyebrow. "Well?"

"Oh." Isen looked around. "Preferably not in the middle of the hall with a bunch of onlookers?"

John glanced around at their surroundings, before sighing and walking away. "Come on, then."

Isen hurried to follow.

— 

"Alright, so? What do you want?"

They'd found an empty corner of the school, and John was leaning on the wall, arms crossed while shooting Isen with a look that he was sure John meant to burn right through him.

Isen steeled himself. "I have… an offer."

John immediately scoffed. He seemed to war with indecision for a bit, before giving an irritated sigh. "Give them a chance, huh?" John muttered, barely audible. He looked back up at Isen. "Alright, spill."

"A-ah, well. You can copy abilities, right?" At John's nod, Isen continued. "My ability has a lot of uses. It's very flexible. While it's not entirely obvious how, I can use it to tell truth from lies."

John's eyebrows shot up, head tilting like some kind of bird of prey.

Isen pressed on. "I was… well… we really do want to help you. But I know you won't believe us. So, if you want, I can lend my ability to you whenever you want? And show you how I can detect lies?"

John's face went through a few complicated contortions. Distrust was clearest, but Isen could almost see… fear. And maybe a bit of hope.

Isen felt like he should look away.

"Show me first."

Isen blinked, and then nodded before activating his ability. "Do you…"

John's eyes flashed with amber, and Isen couldn't help the fear that ran down his spine. He glared at Isen for a moment, before sighing. 

"It's easier if you demonstrate it."

"Oh! Right." The whole visual feedback thing. Isen turned his focus on John, allowing the details of his physiological state to suffuse his awareness. 

Elevated heart rate. Sweating, fidgeting. Dilated pupils. A fight-or-flight response? That was interesting. And also probably something John didn't want others to see. Isen turned his eyes to the side.

"Uh…" Isen twisted his hands, looking back at John. "Want to… spar for a sec? That's probably the fastest way..."

The expression that flitted across John's face was unexpected. For a moment, he seemed terrified. But of what? 

_ Himself _ , a part of Isen whispered.

"If you don't want to, that's fine!" Isen raised his hands.

John frowned. "Whatever you did a moment ago was enough." His voice dropped to a mutter, which Isen probably wouldn't have heard if his ability was inactive. "ᵁˢᵘᵃˡˡʸ ᴵ ʰᵃᵈ ᵗᵒ ˢᵉᵉ ᵐᵒʳᵉ ᵗʰᵒᵘᵍʰ… ᴹᵃʸᵇᵉ ᵘˢᶦⁿᵍ ᶦᵗ ᵐᵒʳᵉ ᶦᵐᵖʳᵒᵛᵉᵈ ᵐʸ ᶜᵒⁿᵗʳᵒˡˀ ᵀʰᵃᵗ'ᵈ ᵐᵃᵏᵉ ˢᵉⁿˢᵉ…"

"Um." Isen sidled a little closer. "Do you want me to show you the lie thing or what?"

John started slightly. "Oh, right." He gestured to Isen. "Have at it, then."

"Nice. Well." Isen pointed to his chest. "Lying typically causes various physiological responses, such as increased or erratic heart rate, increased respiration, sweating, blood pressure, stuff like that. While my ability isn't an infallible lie detector, with the elevated senses, you  _ can _ detect those changes. Heart rate is the easiest, but if you want extra confirmation, you can check the other stuff, too."

Underneath the defensive posture, Isen could see that John was grudgingly impressed. Isen wasn't sure if he should be flattered or offended. 

"So, uh…" Isen shrugged. "Watch. My name is Isen." He waited a moment, and then, "My name is Blyke."

John's eyebrow rose. Isen licked his lips. "So, uh, did you see it?"

"Yes…"

"Then, I just want to say: I, and the other former royals, are trying to help. We're trying to fix the system here, too. We… I don't want you to hurt me, or other students, true. And I don't think it was right of you to hospitalize so many of us. But… all of us treated you badly, and we want to do better by you. I want to be better to you."

John looked at him like Isen had just slapped him with a fish, or something equally flabbergasting. It looked like he was having trouble coming to terms with something he couldn't believe to be true. Which, well, fair.

"Why—why the change of heart? Arlo wanted to break me to pieces."  _ He did _ , went unsaid. "You… as soon as you realized I was powerful, you tried to… you only started being nicer then. And once you realized I wouldn't stop, you did all you could to ride out my… rampage." 

Isen probably should have prepared more for an Honesty Interrogation. Nothing to do about it now. He took a deep breath to calm himself, and looked John in the eye. "Yes, I was afraid of you and what you could do, at first. But then, after the incident, I… I became afraid  _ for _ you. Is it so hard to believe that we don't want to see you die? No matter how much we might have disliked you or feared you, I'd like to think we're decent people. And you… you're in so much pain, and no one ever noticed, not until you almost died."

Something cracked in John's eyes. 

"There's nothing you want from me? You're not looking for status? Power? You're not trying to make me miserable?"

"No. I just want to help you, and I think the other Royals do as well."

John squeezed his eyes shut, bending over. In another moment, he raised his head and looked at Isen, a desperation in the amber glow of his eyes. "Tell me a lie, Isen. I need to be sure."

"I… uh… The sky is green?"

With a long exhale, John closed his eyes, sliding down the wall. 

"Um…" Isen stepped closer. "Are you okay?"

A laugh shook John's body. "Oh, I'm just having a bit of a crisis. Don't mind me. It's not like I've always believed that no one would ever want to help me out of the goodness of their heart. Besides dad and Sera, I guess." He lifted his head, a smile that looked more pained than happy on his face. "The truth is terrifying. But I'm glad to have it. So I guess…" John looked to the side. "Thanks."

"Oh, uh." Isen shifted on his feet awkwardly. "Anytime. Like, actually, anytime you want to borrow my ability, feel free. I know it's not easy to trust people, but at least, if you need to, you can tell if they're lying. Then you don't have to be overly paranoid."

John closed his eyes. "I… thank you. I'll just…" He sat up, pausing for a moment. The glow in his eyes dimmed until Isen could barely notice it—if he wasn't aware John already had his ability activated, he might have thought the amber was just a trick of the light. 

Honestly, that was a little terrifying. That John could hold onto his ability so surreptitiously. But Isen didn't regret it. 

"I'll… head out for now." John smiled wryly. "I've got a lot to think about."

"Ah, right. See you later?"

John glanced back at him, surprised. 

"... Maybe. See you." Without another word, he stalked away.

— 

**_Group Chat: Arlo, Remi, Blyke, You, Elaine_ **

_ 3:15 pm _

_ You: so… I did a thing today _

_ Blyke: w _

_ Blyke: what did u do _

_ You: basically _

_ You: I showed John how to detect lies with my ability and said he could borrow it any time he wanted _

_ You: and then he kinda interrogated me on the spot and got super freaked out that I was actually helping him without some kinda ulterior motive _

_ Remi: okay 1) that's kind of sad and also 2) holy shoots isen _

_ You: by the way he can dim the glow of his eyes so it's hard to tell if he has his ability on _

_ You: so uh _

_ You: don't lie to him that'd be bad  _

_ Arlo: This may actually be for the best. He clearly has a lot of trust issues. _

_ Remi: no thanks to you. _

_ Arlo: … _

_ Arlo: I deserved that. _

_ Elaine: yeah _

_ Blyke: yeah  _

_ Isen: yeah  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll see if the fancy strikes me again - right now it's still in limbo. If I'm absolutely sure I'll never come back to it, I might upload my remaining plot notes so ny'all can know what I had planned? We'll see.
> 
> Speaking of my other projects, though: I've started publishing my own webcomic on [Tapas](https://tapas.io/episode/1614366) and [Webtoon](https://www.webtoons.com/en/challenge/khimaer/list?title_no=366508)! If you like fantasy, sci-fi, magic, and/or monsters, please check it out!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to check me out on social media:
> 
> Deviantart: [Ausp-ice](https://www.deviantart.com/ausp-ice)  
> Tumblr: [@ausp-ice](https://ausp-ice.tumblr.com/)  
> Instagram: [@ausp.icium](https://www.instagram.com/ausp.icium/)

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Broken](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26815837) by [Graveyard_01](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Graveyard_01/pseuds/Graveyard_01)




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